Transcript; How are You Pal

Comments on Transcript; How are You Pal


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Avatar Endof80
Posted Jul 20, 2014 - 4:15 AM:

I noticed the audition script of "How Are You Pal" is much shorter than what the aired version was. So after having no success in finding a script or transcript of this episode, I decided to transcribe it.. By the way, this is one of the episodes I have been attempting to clean the audio, (and several times putting aside in frustration!).

Anyway, here is my transcription of the episode, with attention to accuracy, and, with some assistance from the audition script already available.


(Transcript of Episode #14)

Quiet, please...


Quiet, please...


ANNOuNCER: Quiet Please for tonight written and directed by Wyliss Cooper, and featuring Ernest Chappell, is called "How Are You Pal"..


I want you to play a little game. I want you to get a piece of paper and a pencil, and write down three words. Just write them down and hold onto them, because before we're through with this half-hour you'll find you have need of them.

It'll take you just a moment to find the pencil and paper; only another moment to write down the three words I'll give you.
Write them down, and keep them along side you...

Write down first "Yes".

Next, write down "Yours".

Now write down "Mine."

Yes, yours, mine.
That's all. Now relax and listen to me...


We used to be good friends, we were brothers.. Went around a lot together back in the old days. Long time ago. Long time ago.
But we haven't seen much of each other the last few years; not till I came back here to town and called you up, and said, "Hey, remember me?"
I remember how your voice sounded ((??on the telephone??)); not quite the same as it did the last time we saw each other... at the station when you came down to say good-by and good luck and stuff. Was it - oh, never mind; that was quite a while ago.

I didn't think of it at the time. I remember now, though. Not that I blame you; it's just good New York manners to be a little reserved when a pal of the old days calls - till you're sure the old pal isn't going to put the arm on you to find him a place to stay and maybe lend him a ten or so --hah!- I don't blame you.

You were a little more cordial after I'd answered that question that you asked so casually "What're you doing now, Dane?"... when I said I was doing all right and couldn't I buy you dinner?...And you did come back pretty fast and say "No, dinner's on me, old pal, and I said no(?), it's on me."
And we had an argument about the dinner check, and you did pay.

Sure. I've got no kicks about that. None at all. We had a lot of laughs at that dinner, talking about the fine Christmases we used to have together, and the trick presents we used to give to each other, and some of the people we used to know: some of them we both liked, and some of them; one of us liked, and the other didn't.

And the top hat you gave me for my birthday; hah! hah!, a great laugh because I wouldn't be caught in an alley with a plug hat on. So I gave you the silver-mounted stag-handle hunting-knife, because you were strictly the night-club type and wouldn't be caught in the woods if you were starving for hassenpheffer. And I made you give me a penny for it, because a gift-knife might cut friendship.
I still had the penny the other day. It fell out of my pocket -sombody picked it up (?)

Heh heh, Laughs? ha! ha! ha! ha!.. A million of 'em!


Been a long time since we saw each other hasn't it?. I've been a lot of places --??--, Oh yes, I know, you were away for a year or so weren't you.. Sure, I keep track of you! All the time! I keep track of all my old pals, pal. Their special. (or expecially)

You know there's so many things we didn't get a chance to talk about, you know what I mean? So many things..

Say, you comfortable in that chair? Well don't wait till I get nervous.
Uh, I meant to ask you, you haven't been getting into any jams or anything like that while I've been away have you?.. I sure hope not, cause you're so dog gone impulsive you know.

Uh, I remember how many jams I got you out of in the old days.. Ah! No I'm not bragging it out, I don't mean I'm ungrateful or anything like that, in fact, it was the old days, the days when (?-we were working on a job together-?).


You know, I get sentimental about the old days. I get to remembering things.. That waiter in that place on Broughton street. I'll never forget the way you said it - you said; "Don't go picking on my pal just becuase you're bigger than he is!". heh! heh! You were always doing things like that.

I ran into him just right before the war out in Cleedawhy(??).
Recognized him right away by that short right leg where you broke it.
Ah! he didn't remember me at all, of course not, I've changed a lot, even you said that. Well I've been a lot of places, like I said, seen a lot of things, done a lot of things, and I seem --??--?--. Even you looked different when I saw you..

Oh, the waiter; just for fun I asked him what was the matter with his leg.. heh! Ah, it was funny, just thought I'd throw in I knew the other side. He sure hated me pal, I never heard a man curse about so in all my life!

Huh? Oh no, he's an old man, he was an old man when you and him had the fight, don't you remember?

I remembered something else, too, (((?[buried audio]?after I left you and went home to that hotel -
what was its name? you remember - up on West 57th Street?))). I remembered all of a sudden, as
I was untying my tie...and I bet you remember, too.
I bet you even know what I'm talking about... Whom I'm talking about..

(music )

What was her name? Simple name - doesn't make any difference. Better not to mention names, ((?isn't it?)) We were sitting on the steps that night. It was weather like it's been this fall - too hot for the time of the year? Remember? She said:

GIRL: Dane.

DANE: What?

GIRL: I've got to tell you something.

DANE: I love you, too.

GIRL: That's not it, Dane.

DANE: Make me guess.

GIRL: No... No, I'm going to tell you.

DANE: Well, shoot.

GIRL: I'm sorry.

DANE: About what?

GIRL: About us... I don't want you to buy me that ring.

DANE: Why not? We went all over that. I've got the money.


DANE: I have, too.

GIRL: It isn't that, Dane.

DANE: What do you mean?

GIRL: That's what I mean.

DANE: But, kid..

GIRL: No. I mean it. I...can't.

DANE: Why not?... Why not, honey?


DANE: Is it somebody else?... Is it?

GIRL: Dane, I feel so miserably sorry, but...

DANE: Is it?

GIRL: Yes.

DANE: This is kind of.... tough to take.

GIRL: I know... Oh, Dane, I didn't want to hurt you, and I tried not to tell you, but Dane, I can't, I can't, I can't - (starts sobbing)

DANE: Is it somebody I know?

GIRL: Oh, Dane, promise me you won't.. do anything- (Sobbing)

DANE: What can I do? I...kind of love you,.

Girl: Oh Dale (sobbing)..

DANE: And if it's got to be somebody else to make it good for you... well...

GIRL: It is good.

DANE: Who is it, honey?

GIRL: It's... it's your best friend, Dane...


See?.. My best friend... You, pal. Remember what I did? Remember the note? I do. It said "I'm sure glad I made you pay me that penny for the hunting-knife, you lucky buzzard." You know, so we still had our friendship.

Oh, don't feel bad, pal. I don't, any more. It was too bad your folks wouldn't go for her, and made you break it off, or lose out on your old man's dough.


I still think she was kind of silly to fall through the ice that winter, out skating alone in the dark on the pond in the park that night. That was just before your wedding, wasn't it? And you did go to the funeral. I remember. I saw you there, and we shook hands and bawled. Long time ago.

I guess I never told you about finding her, in the water where the ice had been so thin. Or did I? I guess you didn't know I found her, did you? I never said anything about it. I was kind of crazy about that girl. I'd just come back to town, remember, after a trip to - where was it? Chicago? Never mind, It was somewhere. And I just sort of stopped around at her house - no good reason, of course, and her mother was kind of worried.

She said she was going skating, Dane, out on the park lake, and I told her she shouldn't. that ice isn't thick enough yet, but she was bound and determined to go, and she ought to be home any minute; why don't you walk over toward the park and see if she's on the way home?

So I did. And all the way to the park, I kept whistling.. I used to always whistle "A Kiss in the Dark" and she'd recognise it. And I met that old park policeman. The sparrow-cop, we used to call him, remember? He said he'd seen her, and she was talking to some fellow. He didn't see who it was, and anyway he was cold and he supposed she'd gone on home.

I walked over to the lake, and there was a big black.. hole in the ice, and something floating in it... And of course it was her.


I yelled for the cop, and he came running, but he was so fat - Remember? I slid out on the ice on my belly and dragged her out. I thought that was her little green beret that was floating in the cold water after I pulled her out, but it wasn't...

And then the cop and I - what was his name?... carried her over to the streetcar line,.. and a taxicab came along, and that was that.


So she's gone, and that's a long time ago. Oh, and say - talking about gag presents we used to give each other; remember the pair of green Norwegian mittens I gave you one Christmas, and you lost one of them? I found one to match in some old stuff I was going over the other day, and I mailed it to you. I guess you got it all right.

(MUSIC - first five notes of "Come All Ye Faithful")

I went out to the cementary to visit her grave the other day.. you ever go out there? Oh, I guess you wouldn't, being married and quite a guy around town and all that. There's not much room for setiment like that in the world like that is there pal, not any more..
No, not any more... Used to be, not any more, what's one more dead person in the world of war, famine,.. misery and stuff like that.

There's a thought.. I went through that war, saw a lot of people get killed, a lot of good friends of mine... But I never forgot her! I thought about her (??frequently??).. sigh.. somebody had to.

So I went out to look at her grave.. what was her name?.. funny.. it's funny the way your memory slips. Some things you can remember for years and years just as clearly as if it happened yesterday..

Like the way I told you about finding her. You remember things that way too?
You remembering anything now?
Well, why are you fidgeting for then? Sit still, you're make me nervous..
I make you nervous?.. I didn't mean to pal.

You know what? Remember a lot of people thought she committed suicide? I don't know of any reason for her committing suicide, do you? - Unless uh she - Well, she might have been preety upset about breaking off that deal with you and her.

I wish you'd tell me something sometime, uh, how did you break it off - did ya.. did ya just tell her? Did ya.. take one last walk in the park and say; "hey kid, it's all off"... eh, or what? Oh, I suppose it's none of my business after all, but I wonder about things like that, I wondered so many times what she said.

Did she put up a big beef about it, or did she take it.. uh, well like I had to take it when she told me about you.
I'd of been willing you know, to step up and be the big hearted stiff and say to her; well now look kid if the deal with my pals off, I'm still sticking around.. I'm all set for it if you want any part of me.

(music softly playing)

Ya know.. I really loved her.
But I didn't get a chance.
That's why I went away I guess.
I suppose that's why I came back to.

You got that green mitten I sent you.. Nah, I didn't put my name on the package, I figured you'd know who sent it.
You got the pair now.. if you kept the other one. But the one I sent you is all shrunk up, you couldn't wear it, I know. Water, that's what it is. Wool shrinks in water unless you take care of it. And I guess nobody took care of this one, it's probally been laying around in hotel dresser drawers and old suitcases for years.
Anyway, you know where it's been.

(MUSIC - first SIX notes of "Come All Ye Faithful")

Say, there's something you might tell me about to sometime, theres a certain friend of ours.. uh, well I don't know how much of a friend he is, but maybe you'll know. I won't tell you his name, because like I said I don't think it's a good idea to mention names in public like this - Say! Are you going to sleep?! Well sit up and listen, we've got a lot to talk about yet. Turn the radio up a little! I don't want you to miss anything.

That's better. Uh, About this friend, I got a telephone call the other day, uh, last saturday - What are you fidgeting about?.. Well light a cigarette!

I got this phone call..


..and when I answered the guy said:

MAN: (ON PHONE) Hello, Dane.


MAN: Listen, Dane. Maybe you think you know who this is -

DANE: Why, sure. It's Pat-

MAN: Never mind that. I'm not going to tell you who I am, for a very good reason.

DANE: Well, now look, I can kid along with anybody, but -

MAN: I'm not kidding, Dane. And I'm not going to mention any names at all. But a certain guy that you and I both know has been spreading a few stories that you ought to know about.

DANE: Oh? Is that so?

MAN: Yes.

DANE: What kind of stories?

MAN: Where have you been the last few years?

DANE: Well, for a while I was in the Army. Uh, 99th Division, uh, the Bulge, Remagen Bridge, and all that...

MAN: You can prove that?

DANE: Are you kidding?

MAN: Uh, This....friend of yours.. says you've been in the penitentiary.

DANE: Sounds like a wonderful friend.

MAN: Doesn't he?

DANE: a matter of fact, I was.

MAN: (STARTLED) You were!

DANE: Four years.

MAN: Good Lord, Dane!

DANE: Now you're going to ask what I was in for.

MAN: Well, uh, I wasn't...

DANE: I had a job in a penitentiary.

MAN: A what?!

DANE: A job. I worked there!

MAN: Oh..

DANE: Sure.

MAN: Well, I'm sorry. Your - your friend probably misunderstood.

DANE: Well I hope so.

MAN: What'd you do? Not a guard?

DANE: Oh, no no. I had a very special job. I'll tell you about it sometime.

MAN: Well, gee, Dane, I'm awful sorry. You uh- I mean I - better tell this friend of yours. Gosh, a thing like that could ruin a man!

DANE: That's right it could.,, Couldn't it.

MAN: It sure could. Well, you know, Dane, i uh....I meant well.

DAN:E Sure. Thanks for calling. Nice of you.

MAN: I'm sorry about it. I'll tell him -

DANE: No no, I'll tell him when I see him. uh, Or some time.

MAN: You mean.. you know who it is??

DANE: (LAUGHS) Why, sure! So long, bub. And thanks anyway.


I sure hope you didn't have any misunderstanding about what I've been doing, pal. Or didn't you know? Remind me to tell you sometime what my job was there.

I've had some funny jobs in all these years. You wouldn't know about that would you, you've been here all the time on the same job making dough, and not worring about anything. Or not worrying about much... Worries dissapear sometimes over a period of years dont they?
Then they have a habbit of popping up again and sometimes their worse than when you thought you'd forgotten them.

Now I hope you don't have anything like that pal. Well from the look on your face I thought for a minute you might have. Well don't worry pal, everything always comes out the way it ought to come out in the long run, and the fellow always gets what's coming to him. Never fails... Never fails.


You know,. one thing, one of the things about a guy in my setup is I got very little to worry about. Nothing can happen to me.. Well everythings happened.

Now take a fellow like you pal, you're fairly well off, you got a lot of friends, and you're doing allright. But what if you got one of those kicks in the teeth.. like a few I've had?.. What happens to you then. Hard things to think about, worry about, lie awake nights about.

Me, I.. I don't have to worry. I'm as free as the air. I.. I've got everything I want.. or almost everything I want. Pretty soon I'll have everything.. and that's that.

We're neither one of us young anymore are we? Oh, we're not old men, sure, but we aren't the fast kids we were once when we were pals together.. or, before she died and we kind of broke up and went our ways.

So what time is it?, let's see your watch.. Oh, time sure flies doesn't it. I've only got a few more minutes with you pal, just.. just a few more minutes and here I stand gassing, and you're sitting there clutching that piece of paper.

Look, be a pal and hang on to it for a little while yet. Just a. hmmm.. six or seven minutes as a matter of fact, and then I'll stop and you take it from there.

I wanted to tell you about last Saturday though first. I had a couple of fellows from my old outfit to see - well, you know us veterans! and I sat around with one of 'em all afternoon knocking over bottles of beer and hashing over the Bulge and some of the things they put me up to after war. I don't usually take more than two beers in an afternoon, but well you know how it is. Or do you? No, I guess you don't. You weren't in the Service, were you? I remember now.

Oh, well, we can't all be heroes, I always say. The reason we sat around so long was this pal of mine out of the 99th spilled something about a special job I had to do after the war, up in Germany, and I wasn't very anxious to have everybody in the world know about it, so I kidded about it a lot with this feather-merchant we were talking to, and well pretty soon it was seven o'clock, and the civilian was still asking questions with his eyes bulging out. So I had one more beer, and I went back to the hotel.

And you know what? Somebody had been in my room.

(music strike)

I tried to figure out how anybody could have got in there without the hotel people putting up a big squawk. They said they didn't know anything about it. And then, all of a sudden I remembered... I remembered that night I was at your house and we ate the Chicken a la King and kidded about the knife and stuff, and I went back to the hotel, and I'd lost my key..

(music strike)

Hmmm, Might have been in the taxicab, or someplace, I don't know where. It was a good thing the hotel people had another key for my room, even if the night-clerk did beef about people losing keys. Can't get metal to make 'em, or some long line of stuff like that. So I said okay, bub, I'll pay you for it, and I went upstairs and hit the sack.

So you know what I think? Somebody either found the key, or sneaked it out of my pocket someplace, and decided to see what I had lying around that was worth glomming. He'd done a pretty good job of going through my bags and my dresser-drawers, and the only thing that was missing was a little old book of mine - a notebook, a.. a kind of a diary.

(music strike)

Hey!.. hey, where you going? Come on sit down! Naw, I'll only be a few more minutes, come on sit down. heh heh, Now that's it. I got a payoff to all this granolla(?) - oh this is really something. (HE LAUGHS CHEERFULLY)

Well, you comfortable now? Uh, the book wouldn't be much use to anybody but me, except for one or two specially hot parts....and I hated to lose them. I was pretty griped, and I yelled for the house-dick at the hotel, but he was out having a plate of pigs' knuckles or a salad bowl or something, and he wouldn't be in till ten. Anyway he wouldn't have been much good. He even looked like a house dick.

So I sat down to think. And then I got up and looked for fingerprints - the penitentiary training, you know? I was in charge of the print file the first year I was there, and I can lift a print with the next Homicide Bureau man. Yeah, sure, I found some...

You dropped your cigarette.

I stuck 'em in an envelope and mailed 'em to the cops. The mail-chute was just outside my door. Everything was ducky, except for one thing...

Wait till I light a cigarette...

(LIGHTS CIGARETTE) uh.. You still got that paper?..

Ok, I won't be long now...


Now the last thing I remember was hearing the door of the clothes-closet squeak open. I started to get up, and that's when I got the knife through my back...

Dead? ahh Why, sure I'm dead!.. You wonder how I'm talking to you on the radio, don't you? Ha, pal, you can do so many things on the radio if you're smart!

Now listen. Got that piece of paper? Good. Listen, now.
I'm going to ask you three simple little questions. And when I ask you the questions in order, you answer me by reading the answers in turn off your piece of paper, OK?

Okay, here we go, the first one: Is that blood on your hands?

The second:
Whose blood is it?

And the third: Whose knife was that that was left sticking in my back?

Okay, pal...


Your prints are down at the bureau; I'm in the morgue; the cops have got the knife, and I think somebody heard what you just said.

Oh, one thing more - you were wondering what my job was at the penitentiary - heh heh, I was the executioner...

Comes out even, doesn't it?..


..And isn't that somebody at your door, pal?



ANNOuNCER: You have been listening to Quiet which is written and directed by Wyliss Cooper, The man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell.

CHAPPELL: And Pat Omally was the man on the telephone, the girl was Vicki Vola, and mother was Charme Allen. Music as usuall for Quiet Please is composed and played by Gene Parrizo. And now for a word about next weeks Quiet Please, here is our writer director Wyliss Cooper;

COOPER: Next weeks story is called "The Big Box". It's a story about what happened one night to a truck driver on a coast to coast haul that he didn't want to make.

CHAPPELL: And so, until next week at this time, I'm quietly yours Ernest Chappell.


Edited by Endof80 on Aug 05, 2014 - 5:47 AM. Reason: (edited for an update, noticed some minor errors)
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Avatar Paul
Posted Aug 13, 2014 - 10:14 AM:

Added this above the audition script:
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