Kill Me Again

Episode #24
Aired 1947-11-17
Length: 23:52
Size: 5.46 MB
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Kill Me Again

Episode #23
Network broadcast date: 19 November 1947

CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.


CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.


ANNOUNCER: The Mutual Broadcasting System presents "Quiet, Please!" which is
written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and which features Ernest Chappell.

"Quiet, Please!" for tonight is called "Kill Me Again."



DAVIS: (NARRATES) You ever hear anybody say "I'd sell my soul for" this, that
or the other? Well, not very many people really mean it when they say it.
Unfortunately, I did. And I found a buyer.

No, nothing very exciting. No crashes of thunder, no red fire. No, the
doorbell just rang and ...


DAVIS: (NARRATES) ... when I opened the door ...


DAVIS: (NARRATES) ... there was a worried little looking man standing there. I

(TO THE MAN) Well?

HELLMAN: I, uh, I understand you have some, uh, property for sale, Mr. Davis?

DAVIS: Uh, who are you?

HELLMAN: I - I - I'm Mr. Hellman, Mr. Davis. Ah, may I come in?

DAVIS: (NARRATES) Mr. Hellman came in.


DAVIS: (NARRATES) Mr. Hellman sat down nervously. Mr. Hellman didn't have much
time, it appeared, but Mr. Hellman HAD the million dollars in currency that I
had named as my price for my soul. And he also had a bill of sale, neatly
typed in triplicate.

No, it didn't seem odd at all. That's why I suggest you never mention aloud
that YOU'D be willing to dispose of your own immortal soul for this, that or
the other thing.

Well, Mr. Hellman gets around.

And he's a mighty sharp businessman, for all his apparent nervousness.

So, Mr. Hellman got up and went to the door.


HELLMAN: Well, uh, good - good night, Mr. Davis. It's a pleasure to do
business with you, sir.

DAVIS: Thank YOU, Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: I'll be seeing you, uh, soon then.


DAVIS: (CALLS AFTER HIM) Hey, close the door, Mr. Hellman!

(NARRATES) But Mr. Hellman had gone on out and me with a million dollars in
currency, well, I - I hopped to the door to close it fast.

Not fast enough, though.

Well, there were two men there with revolvers.

I didn't get a chance to say a word. They both fired...


DAVIS: (NARRATES) ... and I saw 'em run down the hallway with my beautiful new
million dollars.

I tried to yell but, well, I couldn't.

And I turned around.

There I was, lyin' on the floor, all bloody.

And Mr. Hellman spoke to my ear:

HELLMAN: Well, I guess you can come along now, Mr. Davis. I kept MY bargain.
Now, you keep yours.


DAVIS: (NARRATES) So that's how come I was sitting a little while later in a
little dark room with Mr. Hellman. There wasn't much light in there. What
light there was seemed to come from way up high, near the ceiling and sort of
flickered, uh -- like the light that comes from a fireplace?

Mr. Hellman was sitting at a desk, looking at me, and his eyes seemed to dart
all around the room-- Well, maybe that was from the flickering light. He
didn't say anything for a long while. Just sat there and - bit his
fingernails. And then he spoke:

HELLMAN: Well, uh - well, well, now, Mr. Davis--

DAVIS: This is a dirty trick you pulled on me!

HELLMAN: The contract didn't say anything about your - your keeping the money,
Mr. Davis.

DAVIS: Well, yes, but I assumed--

HELLMAN: Now, now, now, now, Mr. Davis, you - you must never assume things
when there's a written contract. You - you should have read it.

DAVIS: Well, I hadn't any idea you were going to pull this kind of a trick!

HELLMAN: Most people who deal with me haven't.

DAVIS: Well, I won't stand for it.

HELLMAN: You won't?

DAVIS: No, I won't!

HELLMAN: You can't do anything about it.

DAVIS: Why, that contract wouldn't hold up in a court of law--

HELLMAN: What "court of law"?

DAVIS: Well, I - I -

HELLMAN: Now, now, come, come, come, come, Mr. Davis. You're going to be here
a long, long time and you - you might just as well get used to doing as I say.

DAVIS: Well, uh - What do I have to do, then?

HELLMAN: Well, yes, well-- Now I - I - I must confess I - I acted rather
hastily in your case.

DAVIS: Uh, you mean you're gonna let me out of here, then?

HELLMAN: Oh, my, no. No, no, no.

DAVIS: But I haven't done anything!

HELLMAN: Well, that's what's got me puzzled, Mr. Davis. My, my, my, my, m--
Oh, why don't I think?

DAVIS: Think what?

HELLMAN: Well, I - I may as well confess. Er, you - you see most of the people
who - who make an - arrangement with me about their souls as you did, are due
to come here anyway, eventually.

DAVIS: I don't get it.

HELLMAN: I - I mean, they've already committed a crime or a sin or whatever
you like. Enough to qualify them for our, uh, little institution. A-and so the
transaction really doesn't mean anything, except to, er, expedite their
arrival. Er, do you see?

DAVIS: You mean you cheat 'em! You gyp 'em!

HELLMAN: Oh, come, come now, Mr. Davis. Business is business.

DAVIS: Er, I suppose so. Uh, but - but what's that got to do with me?

HELLMAN: A great deal, Mr. Davis. Your soul belongs to me, according to the
terms of our contract, you see, but, uh, you haven't committed any sins,
according to my records. So you're in a very strange position.

DAVIS: I don't get it.

HELLMAN: Why, you see, you're a regular inmate now, Mr. Davis, but I can't
send you out to the, er, fire department or - or any of the other departments
like, uh, the rest of our, uh, guests, because you're - you're not qualified.
It's-- Yes, it's very, very distressing.

DAVIS: (UNDERSTANDS, PLEASED) Yeeesss. (CHUCKLES) Yes, it must be.

HELLMAN: Yes, it's very, very distressing. I - I am really ashamed of myself.

DAVIS: (THICK IRONY) I feel awful sorry for you, Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: Dear me, I - I've been running this place for so long, and I - I've
never had a slip up before. Believe me, if - if this gets around-- Uh, Mr.
Davis, uh, promise me one thing.

DAVIS: What?

HELLMAN: Promise me you'll never say a word about this to anybody around here.

DAVIS: (POINTEDLY) Well, uh, that depends on how I'm treated, Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: Oh, dear, I knew you'd take advantage of me.

DAVIS: Well, I'm a businessman, too, Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: Oh, dear, dear. Oh, dear, dear.

DAVIS: You said, er, you never had a slip-up before?

HELLMAN: Never. Never, never once. Never once in ever so many years. Never,
never once.

DAVIS: Well, how 'bout Dante? HE was down here.

HELLMAN: Dante? (PONDERS THIS) Dan-? Dan-? Dan-? Oh. Oh, you - you mean that
Italian fellow with the long robe.

DAVIS: Wore a wreath o' leaves on his head.

HELLMAN: Oh, yes. Yes, I remember HIM. I remember him quite well. This place
was a mess for weeks after HE was here!

DAVIS: Well, you let HIM out.

HELLMAN: I had to! He was a visitor, you see, he was alive.

DAVIS: I see--

HELLMAN: And you know what that man did? He wrote a book about this place. And
what that book did to business! Why, do you know business fell off thirteen
per cent the very first year?

DAVIS: (IRONIC) That's - awful, Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: You have no idea what I went through.

DAVIS: Uhhh - I, uh, am a writer, too.

HELLMAN: Er, Mr. Davis, uh, allow me to call your attention to the fact that I
have a very special department in this place for writers.


HELLMAN: A very, very special department. Yes, re-remind me to show you some
day - the lovely little apartment in there that I fixed up especially for Mr.

DAVIS: Well, isn't he here?

HELLMAN: That sissy! He didn't have the basic ordinary human decency to afford
me an opportunity to welcome him back. Not Mr. Dante! He lived an exemplary
life and died full of virtue, the coward!

DAVIS: (IRONIC) Well, well, well!

HELLMAN: Yes, yes, but that doesn't, er, solve my problem with you.

DAVIS: (CHUCKLES) I can wait, Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: Yes, well, uh, doubtless I'll find something for you to do, Mr.
Davis, and in the meantime, just feel free to go anywhere. I'll let you know
when I want you.

DAVIS: Er, you won't let me out, then?

HELLMAN: Oh, dear, no, no, no, Mr. Davis. Dear, no. Business is business. The
same here as everywhere else. Yes, it's the very devil, isn't it, Mr. Davis?
(CHUCKLES) Yes. Well, heh, bye-bye-bye. I - I'll see you later and, er, don't
get into any mischief.


DAVIS: (NARRATES) Yeah, I felt quite perky as I wandered around Mr. Hellman's
remarkable institution. Well, who wouldn't? I'd had a pretty tough time on
Earth. There - there were plenty of times when I'd wondered where the next
meal was coming from. Well, I HAD had a million dollars even if it was for
only a few minutes and there aren't very many people in the world who can say

Then, now, here I was, a non-paying permanent guest and Mr. Hellman himself
admitted he couldn't do anything about it. Just that alone was enough to make
me feel pretty smart and, yeah, pretty smug. Especially when I'd catch Mr.
Hellman's expression occasionally out of the corner of an eye. (CHUCKLES)

You know, Mr. Hellman's a very hard person to outwit. Well, people have been
trying to do it ever since, er-- Well, ever since.

And now look who did it! Little old Joe Davis, the guy that never had a
nickel. The guy that sold his soul and made a profit on it! (LAUGHS HAPPILY,

Well, uh, I was smart to do my laughing early.

Oh, Mr. Hellman's ingenious. When I think of some of the things he had people

My, oh, my!

Well, I'd seen enough of the place to decide that I was a very, very lucky
fella and - also to wish I'd never made this deal. So I can say definitely
that I WASN'T happy. Mr. Hellman saw that, too. And he talked to me about it.


HELLMAN: Uh, Mr. Davis, you're not happy.

DAVIS: No, I'm NOT, Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: Well, I'm not either.

DAVIS: Yes, but YOU can do something about it. I can't.

HELLMAN: You're a disturbing influence here.

DAVIS: Well, I can't help that. You brought me here.

HELLMAN: You're ruining the morale here.


HELLMAN: Well, you keep telling my staff members how you outsmarted me on this

DAVIS: (CHUCKLES) No, I don't. I tell 'em how you outsmarted yourself.

HELLMAN: Well, I want you to stop it.

DAVIS: Uh, Mr. Hellman, I'm an unwilling guest here, you know.

HELLMAN: Don't I know it!

DAVIS: Well, why don't you do something about it?

HELLMAN: I want you to stop carrying tales about me or--

DAVIS: Or what, Mr. Hellman?

HELLMAN: Mr. Davis, er, you want to get out of here, don't you?

DAVIS: I certainly do.

HELLMAN: Now, Mr. Davis, if I, uh, let you out of here, would, er, would you
stop being - mean to me?

DAVIS: Huh? Ohhh! Tryin' to bribe me, huh?

HELLMAN: Yes, I am, Mr. Davis. On a purely business basis, you understand.

DAVIS: Mm, okay. (CHUCKLES) Okay. What's the basis?

HELLMAN: Well, of course I should accept something in return.

DAVIS: Well, I said I wouldn't talk about you if you'd let me out.

HELLMAN: Er, you'll have to do a little better than that.

DAVIS: (THINKS IT OVER) Well, uh -- anything within reason.

HELLMAN: Good. Uh, now, uh, see here, I, uh, do have a contract with you,
don't I?

DAVIS: As if I'd forget that.

HELLMAN: Yes, quite. Quite. We - we mustn't forget it. Now, Mr. Davis, uh,
tell me, have you ever considered - murder?

DAVIS: Murder?

HELLMAN: Exactly.

DAVIS: (INSULTED, INDIGNANT) No, I've never considered murder, Mr. Hellman!
And if you think you're going to suck ME into committing a crime so you can
put me out there with the other boys and girls, uh-- (LAUGHS) Oh, now, Mr.
Hellman, really, I - I did think you were smarter than that. (LAUGHS) Why,
even after the way you messed up this other deal between us--

HELLMAN: Now, don't rub it in, Mr. Davis.

DAVIS: Well, I mean--

HELLMAN: You see, I could give you leads. All you'd have to do is appear on
Earth and - and sort of, uh, uh, uh, stick around, giving these various people
an - an opportunity to - to murder you - and - and then, well, you see, they -
they automatically qualify for a place here.

DAVIS: No, I got murdered once, thank you.

HELLMAN: You're quite welcome, I'm sure. Now, what - what about it? Solves
both our problems, doesn't it?

DAVIS: Well, what happens after I get murdered?

HELLMAN: Oh, you come back here until I have another assignment for you.

DAVIS: I come back - here?

HELLMAN: Of course. I want this to be a home for you, Mr. Davis.


HELLMAN: Er, you have a - a very nice, comfortable apartment, Mr. Davis, and
no work whatever to do, you know.

DAVIS: I don't like it, though.

HELLMAN: Why, Mr. Davis, you might have to give up your comfortable apartment,
you know, if you're not cooperative.

DAVIS: Ohhhh. (CHUCKLES) Threatening me, huh?

HELLMAN: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. But - but the shortage, you know--

DAVIS: You'd kick me out in the cold?!

HELLMAN: Oh, not the cold. Dear, dear, no, Mr. Davis, not the cold.

DAVIS: (THINKS IT OVER) Yeah, I don't like it.

HELLMAN: (SLYLY) Mr. Davis, er, do you remember what, uh, strawberry shortcake
tastes like?

DAVIS: Mm? Oh, gosh.

HELLMAN: Do you remember the - the blue sky with white, fleecy clouds floating
in it on - on a summer afternoon? Green grass, trees? R-remember the sound of
dogs barking at night?

DAVIS: (CAN'T RESIST) And going swimming in the ocean and - and snow.
Beautiful, white snow.

HELLMAN: Rain! Lovely, lovely, cool rain at the end of a hot August day--

DAVIS: A new suit of clothes. Apple pie!

HELLMAN: Listening to music with a beautiful girl by your side--

DAVIS: Going fishing at Tomahawk Lake.

HELLMAN: Radio, movie-- Oh! Oh, my, I - I shouldn't have said that.

DAVIS: A cold glass of beer.

HELLMAN: What do you say, Mr. Davis?


DAVIS: (RELENTS) Mr. Hellman, you've sold a bill of goods.

HELLMAN: (TRIUMPHANT) Just sign here, Mr. Davis.





HELLMAN: Why, Mr. Davis! You're back so quickly?!

DAVIS: (VERY UPSET) Why, darn it, I never had a chance! Is this the kind of a
deal you made with me?! I'm DONE, Hellman!

HELLMAN: Oh, Mr. Davis. But you did beautifully.

DAVIS: I just opened the door and the guy plugged me!

HELLMAN: I know. He - he was much hastier than I expected.

DAVIS: I didn't get a chance to do a thing! Just "Bang! Bang!" that's all -
and I'm sayin' "Hello, Mr. Hellman"!

bad, isn't it?

DAVIS: Why, I haven't been gone fifteen minutes!

HELLMAN: Well, you got excellent results. He'll be down here before you know
it and - and you and he will have a good many laughs over it ...

DAVIS: Yeah.

HELLMAN: ... before I give him his assignment.

DAVIS: Yeah.

HELLMAN: Well, now, shall we try again, Mr. Davis?


DAVIS: We shall not!

HELLMAN: Ohhh, but, Mr. Davis, I'm afraid you'll have to.

DAVIS: What?! Why?!

HELLMAN: You signed an agreement, Mr. Davis. My, my, my, will you never learn
to read things before you sign them?


DAVIS: (NARRATES) Well, this time it wasn't so bad. Er, for a while.

Well, I was smart. I never went near the fella for two months. And I lived
like a king. I will say this for Mr. Hellman, he's generous with an expense
account. Course, some people say that all the money there is belongs to him
but, er, well, they're willing to take it, regardless.

Mr. Hellman was all right about it. He - he didn't rush me. (CHUCKLES) And I
begun to wonder how long I could get away with it. Well, I say I had a lot of
money. I went a lot of places, putting this thing off as long as I could.
Yeah, I was havin' fun. I got ideas.

Well, you see, I'd met this girl.

Oh, sure, a girl comes into ANY story sooner or later.

I never had a girl in my previous life, before Mr. Hellman - so I-- Ah, I was
nuts about this one. I remember I got very sentimental with her. Kind of
forgot, I guess.


DAVIS: (NARRATES) Was a beautiful night. With a million stars. We'd been
dancing on an outdoor terrace. I really did forget who I was.

THE GIRL: Oh, it sure is a beautiful night, isn't it?

DAVIS: Mm. The stars.

THE GIRL: Ya could just reach up and touch 'em.

DAVIS: Make ya feel romantic?

THE GIRL: Kinda.

DAVIS: Me, too.

THE GIRL: Let's stay out here a while.

DAVIS: (SIGHS) I was hoping you'd say that.

THE GIRL: You were? Why?

DAVIS: Don't you know?

THE GIRL: Mm? 'Cause it's cool?


THE GIRL: 'Cause you're tired o' dancing?





DAVIS: Yes. I love you.

THE GIRL: Oh, now, look, don't be "ridic--"!

DAVIS: I'm not, I'm not. I love you.

THE GIRL: Oh, listen, dear--

DAVIS: I love you.

THE GIRL: Listen, I said!


THE GIRL: Look, you're nice to be around with and you spend your money and you
take me places and I have kind of fun with ya. But that's as far as it goes.

DAVIS: Well, but--

THE GIRL: Now, now, now, skip it.

DAVIS: Why, I tell you--

THE GIRL: Why do you have to be so serious? Don't spoil everything.

DAVIS: But I thought that we--

THE GIRL: I KNOW what you thought. You thought I was falling for you. Well,
I'm not.

DAVIS: Darling! I want to marry you.

THE GIRL: Marry YOU? Why, you old FOOL! (LAUGHS) Marry YOU! (GIGGLES)

DAVIS: Darling! Darling, please listen to me!

THE GIRL: (CHUCKLES) Look, Pops, I don't want to be mean to you but, after
all, you're old enough to be my father. And I don't want to hear any more
about it. Now, do you wanna go back in and dance? Or do you wanna get me a
taxi and let me go home?

DAVIS: (NARRATES) And as she stood there laughing at me, I - I thought I heard
someone else laughing and - it sounded like Mr. Hellman.

HELLMAN: (LAUGHS WITH DELIGHT) You're wasting time, Mr. Davis. (CHUCKLES)
Better get to work, hadn't you?


DAVIS: (NARRATES) So I went to see my prospect. And it wasn't very hard,
feeling the way I did. "I'm old enough to be her father," am I? Heh. Yeah, it
wasn't very difficult to taunt him into drawing a revolver. So I got murdered
for the third time and Mr. Hellman had a new inmate and, eh, it didn't hurt
very much after all. And I - well, I wondered how that girl felt about it.

Well. (SIGHS) I had a nice apartment down there in Mr. Hellman's place. But I
didn't get much time to use it. That's one thing you want to remember about
making a bargain with Mr. Hellman. Well, the bargain part of it is always on
his side.

I brought in twenty-six new customers and, well, then I thought it was time
for a vacation.

Why, after all-- Well, you try getting murdered twenty-six times. It wears you
out. I had scars all over me!

So I spoke to Mr. Hellman. "Mr. Hellman," I said, "I need a vacation. I've
been workin' awful hard, Mr. Hellman, and I'm worn out. Why, Mr. Hellman," I
said, "I - I've got so there isn't any place left to shoot me without goin'
through an old bullet hole!"

HELLMAN: Why, I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Davis, but a bargain is a bargain.

DAVIS: But, look, I tell ya, I--

HELLMAN: Sorry, Mr. Davis, but business is business. You cost me a million

DAVIS: But I never got a cent of it.

HELLMAN: I'm sure you realize that that's not my fault, Mr. Davis.

DAVIS: Are you SURE about that, Mr. Hellman?

HELLMAN: I don't care to discuss it, Mr. Davis.


HELLMAN: Now, here is another very good prospect that I want you to see just
as soon as possible.

DAVIS: Well, I won't do it.

HELLMAN: Mr. Davis, must I take steps? Now, about this black market chap ...


DAVIS: (NARRATES) Well, I hadn't had any rest for so long, I was so fed up
with this Mr. Hellman and the job he forced me into, I said to myself, "I'm
gonna double-cross you, Mr. Hellman. I'm gonna get some rest somehow.

So I walked into this black marketeer's office. He seemed to be a rather nice

BLACK MARKETEER: How do ye do, young man? What can I do for ye?

DAVIS: I don't want anything.


DAVIS: No, thanks.

BLACK MARKETEER: A washing machine?

DAVIS: (LAUGHS) Now, what could I do with a washing machine?

BLACK MARKETEER: Ah, change a thousand dollar bill for ye?


BLACK MARKETEER: Well... An apartment, maybe?

DAVIS: An apartment? Say, THAT I could use.

BLACK MARKETEER: It's a deal, sir. Just look at this. Four rooms, bath newly
decorated, daily maid service, modern kitchen. Finest apartment in the city.
How about it?

DAVIS: How much?

BLACK MARKETEER: [The ceiling?] price, sir. Long term lease.

DAVIS: Mm. I'll take it!

BLACK MARKETEER: But, er, hm - ?


BLACK MARKETEER: Ye'll have to buy the draperies in the apartment.

DAVIS: Oh, that's all right. Er, how much?

BLACK MARKETEER: Ohh, that'll be, uh, let me see, ten thousand dollars.


DAVIS: (NARRATES) I was standing over him with the smoke still reeling its way
upward out of my revolver and - he was as dead as a doornail on the thick,
green rug. The door opened and I turned around.

HELLMAN: (VERY PLEASED) Well, well, well, Mr. Davis!


HELLMAN: (CORRECTS HIM) MISTER Hellman, Davis. Well, now you have been and
gone and done it, haven't you?

DAVIS: Did you hear what he was tryin' to sell me?!

HELLMAN: Mr. Davis, I hope you realize that your days as a guest in my
institution are over.

DAVIS: (CONFUSED) You mean--? You mean, I don't have to go back now?

HELLMAN: (DISTRACTED, CLICKS HIS TONGUE) My, he certainly is dead. You're a
very good shot, Mr. Davis.

DAVIS: Well, he made me so mad that--

HELLMAN: Yes, indeed.

DAVIS: Well--

HELLMAN: Er, wha - what were you saying about not having to come back?

DAVIS: Oh, uh, uh, did you mean I - I don't have to come back now, Mr.

HELLMAN: (AMAZED) Why, Mr. Davis!

DAVIS: What?

HELLMAN: Why, Mr. Davis! Don't - don't you see what you've done? I - I knew
eventually you'd do something like this. Temper, temper, Mr. Davis. (LAUGHS)

DAVIS: What are you talking about?

HELLMAN: Why, Mr. Davis, I - I - I knew someday you'd commit a crime, commit a
sin, Mr. Davis. Why, certainly you're coming back, Mr. Davis! After the law
gets through with you.

DAVIS: But, Mr. Hellman-- Listen, uh, listen, sir!

HELLMAN: I'm afraid you're never going to be a businessman, Mr. Davis. I have
such interesting things for you to do the next couple of million years--


DAVIS: (FEARFUL) Who's that?

HELLMAN: Why, that, Mr. Davis, I suspect, is the, uh, officers come to take
you to jail. Where they will eventually send you back to me.


HELLMAN: I'll be seeing you, Mr. Davis. (SINGS, IN A PECULIAR VOICE) "Kill me
again, kill me again ..." (FADES)



ANNOUNCER: You have listened to "Quiet, Please!" which is written and directed
by Wyllis Cooper. Mr. Davis, the man who spoke to you, was Ernest Chappell.

CHAPPELL: And Mr. Hellman was played by James Monks. The girl was played by
Peggy Stanley. And the black marketeer was Pat O'Malley. Music for "Quiet,
Please!" is composed and played by Gene Perrazzo.

Now, for a word about next week's "Quiet, Please!" here is our writer-director
Wyllis Cooper.

COOPER: Next week's story is a simple story of a man and a woman who loved
each other and of what happened to them. It's called "In Memory of Bernadine."

CHAPPELL: And so, until next week at this same time, I am quietly yours,
Ernest Chappell.


ANNOUNCER: "Quiet, Please!" came to you from New York. This is the Mutual
Broadcasting System.