Supernatural Surplus Discount
By Matthew Sharp

SFX: Music... Explosions, laser blasts, gunfire, paniced crowds running and screaming... Man running, pushes through door, shop bell, door closes behind and carnage is muffled.

Jade: [Bored sigh] Greetings customer, what are you buying today?

Jimmy: [Paniced] OH MY GOD YES, HELP ME!

Jade: [Bored sigh] Certainly, the shop is full of lots of wonderful magical artifacts.

Jimmy: [Paniced] WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THERE'S ALIEN INVADERS OUT THERE.

Jade: [Annoyed] Very interesting, sir, but this is a shop.

Jimmy: [Paniced and annoyed scream] STOP TRYING TO SELL ME STUFF! PEOPLE ARE DYING OUT THERE!

Jade: [Condescendingly] Yes and that's very sad... So what are you buying?

SFX: Shop bell... Alien monster hissing and growling

Jimmy: [Paniced] IT'S ONE OF THE ALIENS! YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING!

Jade: Read the sign.

Jimmy: [Struggling and confused] Supernatural intervention for paying customers only?

SFX: Alien roars.... Change spills across floor

Jimmy: [Struggling] What can i get for... £26 and 64 pence?

Jade: [Perks up a little] Well, we have plenty of protection talismans in the the bin over there, as well as several books in the Black Magic for Beginners section with useful self-defence spells in your price range.

SFX: Banging head off of wall

Jimmy: [Choking] TALISMAN!

Jade: Ok and which one would that be? One against evil spirits? We've got one against leprechauns? One against bad luck?

Jimmy: [Wheezing as choking intensifies] BAD LUCK, BAD LUCK!!!

Jade: Sure... Oh, what are the odds, sold out of those. We have some that protect against Vampires, against demons, against Sumerian gods-

SFX: Punch, Alien grunts in pain

Jimmy: [Coughing] VAMPIRES

Jade: Excellent choice, cash or card?

SFX: coins dropping

Jade: Gimme a second...

SFX: Cash register dings... Magical effect... Splatter

Jade: Thank you, sir

Jimmy: It's... Everywhere...

Jade: Yup, it's what I do. [Bored sigh] Get in the back, i'll call you when it's over

SFX: Running... Mop and bucket... Door crashes open, different Man screams, Alien hisses

Jade: [Bored sigh] Greetings customer, what are you buying today?