Hundred Second Theater: The Tuna of Destiny Paul Knierim 2022 100 seconds --- Illinois - Illinois Smith is a famous archaeologist adventurer, seeking historical treasures around the world. [SlimSamVO?] Jack - Jack Stamp is Illinois' oldest loyal assistant. [James Lorenz?] Zara - Zara Jones is an archaeologist who likes to do things her own way. [Gwenith Knight?] Sam - Sam is a helpful junior member of the archaeological expedition. [Alexander Grace?] --- SFX: cave reverb SFX: attempting to saw and giving up Illinois: [frustrated noises] Why won't it open?! Jack: This box has been defying treasure-seekers like us for 6000 years since the ancient Sumerians buried it under this temple. It's not supposed to be easy, even for the great Illinois Smith. Sam: Here Illinois, try this diamond-tipped electric drill bit. It's never failed on anything. SFX: handover Illinois: [confident] Okay, let's see if it can resist THIS... SFX: drilling Illinois: Seems nothing can pierce this chest! Does anyone have anything sharper? SFX: can opener runs after brief bread-opening noises Illinois: [annoyed] What are doing, Zara? Zara: Seems we're going to be here a while, so I thought I'd make a tuna sandwich. Sam: [hurt] What, just one for yourself? What about me? Illinois: [annoyed] Really?! You're not going to help?! Sometimes I wonder what I'm paying you for... Jack: [thinking] Hmm... Illinois: [urgently] Come on people, we need to come up with something sharper than a diamond so we can become wealthy beyond our dreams! Think! Jack: [thoughtfully] You know, Zara might be on to something here. Zara: [smugly] You know I am. Here Illinois, I'm done with the can, you take it. Illinois: What am I supposed to do with a tuna can?! Jack: Use it on the treasure box! Illinois: [realizing] Oh! Jack: Let's get that top edge onto the seal... SFX: cut and release Jack: [triumphant] And, we're in! Zara: I think I'm owed an apology. How could you forget the sharpest object known to mankind?