Quiet, Please
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The Venetian Blind Man

Episode #94
Aired 1949-04-03
Read Overview

The Venetian Blind Man

"Quiet, Please!"

Wyllis Cooper

NO. 27 (91) – "THE VENETIAN BLIND MAN"

WJZ-ABC Sunday April 3, 1949 – 5:30 – 6:00 PM EST

CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.

(SIX SECONDS SILENCE)

CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.

(MUSIC ... THEME ... FADE FOR)

ANNCR: The American Broadcasting Company presents "Quiet, Please!" ... which
is written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and which features Ernest Chappell.

"Quiet, Please!" for today is called "The Venetian Blind Man".

(MUSIC ... THEME ... END)

AFTERNOON: Now, I very seldom make mistakes. In fact, I never made a mistake
in my life until a few weeks ago when I made rather an idiot of myself before
a large radio audience by dying. It embarrassed me no end, as Mr. Ivor Lambe
of London, England sometimes says, when I came to life again. Came to life, to
realize that I was not the victim of an aortal aneurysm as I thought, and that
I had - fallen a victim to what Miss Sissie Williams of New York sometimes
calls a tummyache. By the way, it is Miss Williams' birthday today.

You see, I had established something of a reputation as The Man Who Knows
Everything, and an episode of this sort does not do my reputation any good.
So, alas. Alas, not to mention alackaday.

By the way, just to refresh your memory, allow me to reintroduce myself. The
name is Charles W. Afternoon, formerly of Tarzana, California – My business?
Why I'm the Man Who Knows Everything. Isn't that enough?

What do I know?

Why, for example, it rained on Easter in Chicago in 1929. Lt. Col. Dewey
Seipt, of Salinas, California, was once a trumpeter in the cavalry. Mrs. John
M. Goar, wife of the well-known realtor of Pekin, Illinois, has a broken arm.
Her maiden name, by the way, was Ruth Epkens. A pair of oversize rubbers in a
closet in Mr. Wyllis Cooper's office were left there by the Reverend Julien
Mattern, of Perth Amboy, New Jersey. There is a small hole in your left sock.
Mr. John P. Marquand, the eminent novelist, is under the impression that the
Dusenberg automobile is a foreign car, while it was always manufactured in
Indianapolis, Indiana. And Miss Cecile Tragacanth, my beautiful secretary, is
listening at the keyhole of my office door.

(THE DOOR IS OPENED)

TRAGACANTH: I just wanted to know --

AFTERNOON: -- What I was going to say about you, Miss Tragacanth. You have
already heard. Yes, you may go out and get a cup of coffee and a piece of
"pineapply" upside-down cake. Just a moment, Miss Tragacanth, you lost your
purse in Car 6114 of the Fourth Avenue Local subway train coming to work this
morning.

TRAGACANTH: Oh..?

AFTERNOON: Hmm, Here is a dollar, which you will forget to return to me.

TRAGACANTH: Oh,--skip--n.

AFTERNOON: Unfortunately, that is not true. You will forget it until Flag Day,
which is June 14th. At that time you will be in Vancouver, British Columbia,
discussing employment with Major Dick Diespecker of Station CJOR. After that
you will forget it permanently.

TRAGACANTH: I'm sorry, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Now, if you will admit the gentleman who is waiting to see me --

TRAGACANTH: There isn't --

AFTERNOON: Oh, yes, there is, Miss Tragacanth. His name is Micaele Palmasoni,
although for reasons of his own, which I shall not go into, he prefers to call
himself Mike Pamson.

TRAGACANTH: Yes, sir. Come in, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: Grazie, signorina. Signor Afternoon, io voglio -

AFTERNOON: I know what you want, Signor Palmasoni.

PAMSON: Pamson.

AFTERNOON: Help Mr. Pamson to a chair, Miss Tragacanth.

PAMSON: Thank you horribly.

TRAGACANTH: De nada, Senor.

AFTERNOON: That's Spanish, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: Oh?

AFTERNOON: Mr. Pamson is Italian.

TRAGACANTH: Really? Che va piano, va sano, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: Whe va sano, va lontano, signorina. Non e vero?

AFTERNOON: Miss Tragacanth doesn't know what that means, Mr. Pamson. It was
the motto of her high-school class, but she hasn't the faintest idea what it
means.

TRAGACANTH: Did I swear?

AFTERNOON: You may be excused, Miss Tragacanth. And take an aspirin for your
headache.

TRAGACANTH: I forgot my headache.

AFTERNOON: I didn't.

TRAGACANTH: Thank you, Mr. Afternoon.

PAMSON: Mr. Afternoon, are we alone?

AFTERNOON: Except for the radio audience, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: I had forgotten them.

AFTERNOON: You must never forget them, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: I have a matter of great importance to consult you about.

AFTERNOON: I know what it is, Mr. Pamson. You are --

PAMSON: No! No no no no no no! Please!

AFTERNOON: I know who you are, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: Would you ask the gentleman at the organ to play a little louder, Mr.
Afternoon, so that we will not be overheard?

AFTERNOON: If you wish. Mr. Buhrmann, will you play a trifle louder, please?

(MUSIC: THE ORGAN PLAYS LOUDER....)

(FOR A FEW MOMENTS, AFTERNOON AND PAMSON ARE HEARD FAINTLY BEHIND THE ORGAN
MUSIC. THEN AFTERNOON CALLS OUT)

AFTERNOON: Thank you, Mr. Buhrmann.

(MUSIC: THE ORGAN STOPS)

PAMSON: (FINISHING A SENTENCE) -- I am in danger of my life!

(MUSIC: GOES OH MY...)

PAMSON: You stopped too soon, Mr. Buhrmann.

(MUSIC: BEGINS AGAIN AND STOPS, AFTER A MOMENT THE SAME WAY...)

PAMSON: --I am in danger of my life.

(MUSIC: BEGINS AGAIN AND STOPS AS AFTERNOON SPEAKS...)

AFTERNOON: Never mind, Bert. (AS THE MUSIC STARTS TENTATIVELY THEN STOPS
AGAIN) By this time we all know that Mr. Pamson is in danger of his life. Or
rather, that he thinks he is.

PAMSON: I am!

AFTERNOON: Take it easy, Mr. Pamson. Orville is still in bed.

PAMSON: I hope he falls out and breaks his neck!

AFTERNOON: You hate Orville.

PAMSON: hMMM.. I have reason to hate Orville.

AFTERNOON: So you say.

PAMSON: So I mean!

AFTERNOON: Mm-hm. Did he give you that knife scar in your intercoastal region?

PAMSON: Yeah he.. Where?..

AFTERNOON: This, your knife-scar.

PAMSON: How you know I got a knife-scar in my intercoast.. on.. on my ribs, Mr. Afternoon?

AFTERNOON: (GENTLY) Why, I know everything, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: Eh!! Yes, he gave me that.

AFTERNOON: I even know who you are, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: (AFTER A PAUSE) Whisper it.

AFTERNOON: No. You are a Venetian, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: (RELUCTANTLY) I am from Venice.

AFTERNOON: You do not see very well.

PAMSON: I am blind, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Then you - are the Venetian blind man.

(MUSIC: AN AWFUL ACCENT...)

PAMSON: Too late, Mr. Buhrmann. Everybody heard that.

AFTERNOON: And I am afraid I can't help you, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: You must help me, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: It can't be done. Goodday, sir.

PAMSON: You're not going to send me out to be murdered?

AFTERNOON: I am not sending you anywhere, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: But I will be murdered. Orville will murder me.

AFTERNOON: It is useless to try to entrap me into a statement, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: I will pay you large sums of money.

AFTERNOON: I already have large sums of money.

PAMSON: Hmmm.. You know everything, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Yes. I know everything.

PAMSON: You know whether I'm going to be murdered or not.

AFTERNOON: Yes, I do.

PAMSON: Am I?

AFTERNOON: I won't tell you.

PAMSON: You don't know.

AFTERNOON: Oh yes, I do.

PAMSON: No, you don't.

AFTERNOON: Mr. Pamson, I will give you an example of what I know.

PAMSON: All right, go on.

AFTERNOON: Your great-grandfather was Dante Alighieri Ravenscroft.

PAMSON: Dante!.. Yes, yes!,. How do you know?

AFTERNOON: You will admit I am right, Mr. Pamson.

PAMSON: Yes, but what difference does it --

AFTERNOON: It makes a great deal of difference. Please go away.

PAMSON: What if I don't choose to go away, Mr. Afternoon?

AFTERNOON: I will take steps.

PAMSON: (SNEERS) You will call the police.

AFTERNOON: No.

PAMSON: What will you do, then?

AFTERNOON: I have my own way of ending this scene.

PAMSON: What way?

AFTERNOON: Don't you ever listen to the radio?

PAMSON: Certainly, but --

AFTERNOON: Well, then, all I got to --

PAMSON: No - no - don't do that to me!

AFTERNOON: Will you go?

PAMSON: (FRIGHTENED) No --

AFTERNOON: Very well, then, I have no alternative. End the scene, Mr.
Buhrmann.

(MUSIC: TO END THE SCENE ....)

TRAGACANTH: My, that, that was clever, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: I thought so.

TRAGACANTH: Was he a scalawag, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Yes.

TRAGACANTH: I just knew he was.

AFTERNOON: I'll do the knowing around here, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: Yes, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Do you know something, Miss Tragacanth?

TRAGACANTH: No, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: I think you're a very charming young woman, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: How nice, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: What would you do, Miss Tragacanth, if I kissed you? What am I
saying? I know what you'll do. Lean over, Miss Tragacanth...

(MUSIC..)

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THIS SECTION ENDS AT 11:49
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....





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BEGIN Item 3, side B, STRIP 2 :
18:42 TO 21:23 = APROX 2 MINUTES

THIS SECTION IS VERY POOR QUALITY

THIS IS FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE EPISODE
BEGINS WITH 2 SECONDS OF UNINTELIGABLE SKIPING.. THEN PLAYS..
-------------------------------------------------

AFTERNOON: They do, too!

TRAGACANTH: That isn't what I wanted you to tell me.

AFTERNOON: I know.

TRAGACANTH: Well, tell me then. Do you love me?

AFTERNOON: There's somebody at the door, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: Oh, poo!

(AND THE DOORBELL RINGS)

TRAGACANTH: Oh, poo again. Who's that?

AFTERNOON: The Venetian Blind Man.

TRAGACANTH: Oh.

(THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN)

AFTERNOON: Let him in, please, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: (GOING) I don't understand how he can be -

(SHE OPENS THE DOOR)

AFTERNOON: How do you do -- I mean, good day, Mr. Volcano.

VOLCANO: (AT THE DOOR) Buena sera.

TRAGACANTH: Why, he's not blind, Mr. Afternoon!

VOLCANO: I have eyes to see you, beautiful young lady.

AFTERNOON: Will you sit down, Mr. Volcano?

VOLCANO: Thank you. (HE SITS)

AFTERNOON: Well, Mr. Volcano.

VOLCANO: You know everything, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Yes, sir.

VOLCANO: Do you know who I am?

AFTERNOON: Yes.

VOLCANO: I am the Venetian Blind Man.

TRAGACANTH: He isn't blind, Mr. Afternoon, he's looking right at me!

AFTERNOON: I know, Miss Tragacanth.

VOLCANO: What I want to know, Mr. Afternoon, is --

AFTERNOON: Whether Orville is going to murder you.

TRAGACANTH: Why, that's what the other Venetian Blind Man wanted to know,
isn't it?

AFTERNOON: How did you - oh. You were listening at the keyhole.

TRAGACANTH: Yes, sir.

VOLCANO: What other Venetian Blind Man?

TRAGACANTH: He was really blind.

AFTERNOON: A Mr. Mike Pamson, who claimed that he was the Venetian Blind Man.

VOLCANO: I never heard of him.

TRAGACANTH: Nevertheless.

AFTERNOON: Be still, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: Yes, sir.

VOLCANO: I want to know if Orville's going to murder me.

AFTERNOON: I won't tell you.

VOLCANO: I want to know.

AFTERNOON: I won't tell you.

TRAGACANTH: Who's Orville?

AFTERNOON: You tell her, Mr. Volcano.

VOLCANO: Orville's the Boss.

TRAGACANTH: Boss of what?

AFTERNOON: Boss of the criminal underworld, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: He murders people?

AFTERNOON: Yes.

TRAGACANTH: Oh.

VOLCANO: Is he going to murder me?

AFTERNOON: I refuse to answer that question.

VOLCANO: Aw, come on.

TRAGACANTH: Mr. Afternoon said no.

AFTERNOON: Mr. Volcano, you will tell Miss Tragacanth the name of your
grandfather.

VOLCANO: His name was Cesare Borgia Nunno.

AFTERNOON: Make a note of that, Miss Tragacanth.

TRAGACANTH: All right.

AFTERNOON: C-E-S-A-R-E

TRAGACANTH: How do you spell, Cesare? ....Oh.

VOLCANO: Why do you ask that, Mr. Afternoon?

AFTERNOON: Because I know the name of the great-grandfather of the Venetian
Blind Man.

VOLCANO: Well.

AFTERNOON: I will know it when I hear it.

VOLCANO: My great-grandfather's name was Cesare --

AFTERNOON: Miss Tragacanth, the Venetian Blind Man is believed by the police ....

---------------------------------------------------
END OF ITEM 3 SIDE B - FADES OUT MID SENTENCE
______________________________________________________





________________________________________________________

Item 2, side B, STRIP 1
11:55-18:33 = 6 MINUTES 28 SECONDS

(THIS SECTION IS THE CONCLUSION OF THE EPISODE)

-------------------------------------------------------------


TRAGACANTH: You know I will, Mr. Afternoon.

(MUSIC . . AN ACCENT)

TRAGACANTH: Well, what do you know?

AFTERNOON: Why, darling, I know when it's twelve o'clock in New York, it's 8
pm in Oslo, and I know that aspirin is acetyl-salicylic acid-ester, and I know
that television is here to stay, and that Norman Foster the movie director is
married to Sally Blane, and Loretta Young is her sister, and I know that
there's a hotel in Montgomery, Alabama called the Jefferson Davis, and a
Mr. Walter Craig, the advertising man, was once a song-and-dance man, and I know
Burgess Meredith's first name is Oliver, and that you can get genuine
Schweppe's ginger beer in this country again, and I know that Lt. Commander
M.C. Kelly's intitials stand for Mariane Cegal, and Pete Martin's office is in room 300 at
the RCA Building in New York, -

TRAGACANTH: Do you know what those two Venetian Blind men are going to do in
the other room?

AFTERNOON: Certainly I know.

TRAGACANTH: They're awfully quiet.

AFTERNOON: They're talking. They'll figure it out.

TRAGACANTH: What will Orville do to them, Mr. Afternoon?

AFTERNOON: Orville won't do anything.

TRAGACANTH: Won't he?

AFTERNOON: No. They'll do it themselves.

TRAGACANTH: Do what?

AFTERNOON: Listen.

(MUSIC: ... A QUASI-SOLEMN THEME FOR BG...)

TRAGACANTH: Music.

AFTERNOON: It's Bert Buhrmann again.

TRAGACANTH: He's playing sad music.

AFTERNOON: Wait.

(THE DOOR OPENS)

AFTERNOON: Yes, gentlemen?

PAMSON: Mr. -

VOLCANO: - Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Yes?

VOLCANO: We discovered something.

AFTERNOON: Yes?

PAMSON: We're not either one of us the Venetian Blind Man.

AFTERNOON: Of course not. I knew that.

PAMSON: I didn't know he wasn't either.

VOLCANO: And I didn't know he wasn't.

PAMSON: Gee - Orville...

VOLCANO: ...he'll be awful mad.

AFTERNOON: Oh, yes.

VOLCANO: Well...

PAMSON: Well...

AFTERNOON: Good by, gentlemen.

PAMSON & VOLCANO: Good by, Mr. Afternoon.

VOLCANO: Good by, Miss.

TRAGACANTH: Good by, Mr. -

VOLCANO: Volcano.

PAMSON: And Pamson.

TRAGACANTH: Good by.

AFTERNOON: Oh, gentlemen...

PAMSON & VOLCANO: Yes, sir?

AFTERNOON: Put some papers down on the floor.

PAMSON & VOLCANO: Yes, sir.

(THE DOOR CLOSES)

TRAGACANTH: Papers?

AFTERNOON: Blood's so hard to get out of the rugs.

TRAGACANTH: Oh. Is Orville going to murder them?

AFTERNOON: Oh, no...

TRAGACANTH: Are they going to murder each other?

AFTERNOON: Oh no!

(TWO PISTOL SHOTS ARE HEARD)

(MUSIC . .)

TRAGACANTH: They did, too. (SHE OPENS THE DOOR) Oh, no. For heavens' sake,
they committed suicide, didn't they?

AFTERNOON: Of course.

TRAGACANTH: Well, for goodness sake. Now there isn't any Venetian Blind Man at
all, is there?

AFTERNOON: Somebody at the door, Miss Tragacanth.

(THE DOORBELL SOUNDS)

TRAGACANTH: I'll get it.

AFTERNOON: Of course.

TRAGACANTH: (GOING) They didn't get any on the rug after all, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: It always pays to be tidy.

TRAGACANTH: (OPENING THE DOOR) Yes, sir?

ORVILLE: (AT THE DOOR) Hello, Mr. Afternoon.

AFTERNOON: Hello, Orville.

TRAGACANTH: Well, for heaven's sake, Orville who?

AFTERNOON: Why, Orville Venetian, Miss Tragacanth.

ORVILLE: Why, yes, Miss Tragacanth. My great grandfather was Thomas Alva
Venetian, the inventor of the Venetian blind.

Why, what's the matter, Miss Tragacanth?

AFTERNOON: Orville, Miss Tragacanth is in love. Go away, Orville.

ORVILLE: Well, but -

(THERE IS A CLATTER AS THE BLINDS FALL DOWN, MISS TRAGACANTH REACTS)

TRAGACANTH: (JUMPS) What was that?

AFTERNOON: The Venetian blinds fell down, darling.

ORVILLE: Oh that's all right, Mr. Afternoon. I'll fix 'em. After all (LAUGHS)
I'm the Venetian Blind man, ain't I?

TRAGACANTH: Isn't.. Excuse me, Mr. Afternoon.

(A PISTOL SHOT)

Oh, no, you're not, Orville. Will you kiss me again, please, Mr. Afternoon?

(MUSIC ... THEME ... FADE FOR)

ANNCR: The title of today's "Quiet, Please" story is "The Venetian Blind
Man." It was written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and Mr. Afternoon, the man
who talked to you, was Ernest Chappell.

CHAPPELL: (Chuckling) And Andrea(?) McBride was again the dominately beutiful Miss Tragacanth; Pamson was played by
Carl Eastman, Volcano by James Monk, Orville was J. Pat O'Malley.

Music for "Quiet Please" is obviously by Albert Buhrmann..

Now for a word about next week, our writer-director Wyllis Cooper.

COOPER: Before I tell you about next week's story, may I remind you that next
Sunday only, Quiet Please will be heard at 3:30 PM EST - 2 hours earlier than
usual. I hope you'll listen to the story I have for you about The Big Strike.

(MUSIC gets louder ... THEME ... FADE FOR)

CHAPPELL: "Well now, look-it here.."

-----------------------------
- AT THIS POINT IT FADES OUT