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Presto Change-o, I'm Sure

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MS
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Posted May 22, 2004 - 9:46 PM:

Okay, here's an attempted transcript of "Presto Change-o, I'm Sure" -- feel free to post any corrections.

ERNEST CHAPPELL: Quiet, please ... Quiet, please.

(MUSIC ... THEME ... FADE FOR)

ANNOUNCER: The Mutual Broadcasting System presents "Quiet, Please!" which is written and directed by Wyllis Cooper and which features Ernest Chappell. "Quiet, Please!" for tonight is called "Presto Change-o, I'm Sure."

(MUSIC ... THEME ... END)

---

SARSFIELD: (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY, FINALLY COLLECTS HIMSELF) Oh, uh, excuse me. Uh, you really must excuse me. It's an old joke I haven't thought of in years. A joke that Johnny Martins and I used to kill ourselves over -- and, to me, it's still funny.

Ah, probably you won't crack a smile even but I must tell ya, I really must.

You say to me, "Sarsfield, can you make an elephant disappear?"

And I say, "Sure. Where's the elephant?"

(GIGGLES)

Uh, that's all. Really.

Oh, I told you it wouldn't sound funny to you but, to me, it brings back memories.

I wonder where poor Johnny Martins is.

All those years, ah, Johnny and I used to have fits -- just fits -- laughin' at our bum joke.

Er, that is, we did till I - MADE an elephant disappear.

(MUSIC ... AN ACCENT ... AND UNDER)

SARSFIELD: Well, it takes longer to tell than that.

We were standin' there by the Illinois Central freight depot and it was early in the mornin' and the circus was [all unloadin'?] and Johnny and I were watchin'. We - we were about sixteen years old, I guess, and - and when the elephants started to come down the gangplank from the big car they were in, Johnny grinned at me and he said, "Sarsfield, can you make an elephant disappear?"

And I said, "Sure. Which elephant?"

And Johnny said, "That one."

And I pointed the thing at it and I said, "Presto change-o, disappear!"

(MUSIC ... GOOFY "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... AND UNDER)

SARSFIELD: So - it - disappeared.

And that's what set me on the first rung of the ladder to success.

Well, I admit, I didn't KNOW it was goin' to disappear. I was pretty surprised but -- if you think I was surprised, you should have seen those circus people. I never saw such a hullabaloo in all my life. They just looked everywhere for that elephant. I saw Eldred Vogelstang, the deputy sheriff, lookin' under the depot platform for it even. (LAUGHS)

And I never liked Eldred Vogelstang because he used to chase me for stealing mush melons. So - so I pointed the thing at him and I said, "Presto change-o, disappear!"

But nothing happened.

And Johnny said, "It didn't disappear."

"What didn't disappear?" I asked him and he said, "The freight depot."

"No," I said, "I meant Eldred Vogelstang."

And ZIP! Like that, Eldred Vogelstang was gone.

(MUSIC ... GOOFY "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... AND UNDER)

SARSFIELD: Scared? You're darn right I was scared. So was Johnny.

Er, I didn't know what the thing was when the old man gave it to me. I - I was just standin' in front of the Standard Theater down there on Capitol Street when this old fella came out.

I knew who he was. He was Professor Cag-lee-os-tro, the world famous magician and he'd been in the show the night before.

Gee, I was excited seein' him -- in person. I hoped he'd do somethin' magic right - right there on the street -- free!

And, by goodness, he did.

Well, he - he stopped and looked at me and he said, "Hello, Sarsfield."

Well, now, how in the dickens did he know my name? I know it's a funny name. My grandfather named me. He was out in California in the gold rush in '49 and he was a member of a militia company in a town called Sarsfield and - and they were the Sarsfield Grenadiers and they carried big battle-axes instead of guns. So my grandpa named me Sarsfield Grenadier McCutcheon -- after the Sarsfield Grenadiers.

And here was this magician callin' me by name!

And handin' me this - thing. And laughin' and - and walkin' away.

This thing. This - this little stick with the five-pointed star on the end.

That's the - "foundation of my fortune," as you might say.

And I've had it since the, uh, fourteenth of May, 1916.

How does it work?

Very simple. You just point it and you say, "Presto change-o, disappear!"

(MUSIC ... "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... AND UNDER)

SARSFIELD: Oh, I - I'm sorry. Did - did you disappear? I - I didn't mean to--

Well, SOMEBODY disappeared.

That's too bad. I - I can't do a thing about it. That's the trouble. I never found out just how to make it work in reverse. I can turn things-- Darn, this mosquito!

(SWATS AT MOSQUITO) Nnng!

Presto change-o, mosquito, uh, be a dog!

(MUSIC ... BEGINNING OF "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... THEN HOLD A NOTE UNDER)

SOUND: (DOG BARKS)

SARSFIELD: Oooh, darn it. Uh, presto change-o, dog, disappear!

(MUSIC ... "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT FINALLY CONCLUDES ... AND UNDER)

SARSFIELD: You have to be careful with this thing.

I remember what I did to Johnny Martins with it. Well, we were havin' one of those kid quarrels-- Er, you know, nothin' serious. Just arguin' about, uh-- mm, whatever it was, I've forgotten. But I said to him, "You - poor fish." And - and then I pointed the thing at him and I said, "Presto change-o."

(MUSIC ... "TRANSFORMATION" ACCENT ... AND UNDER)

SARSFIELD: And you know what? I had to run six blocks lickety-split down Court Street to throw him in the river in time. Six blocks I had to run. I just made it. He - swum away. I never did know what became of Johnny. Some snappin' turtle ate him, I suppose. Or somethin'.

The things kids'll do.

Oh, sure, all this stuff created quite a sensation but nobody ever suspected ME and, naturally, I wasn't goin' to volunteer anything.

Heck, no, not me. (LAUGHS) Not when I can make elephants disappear!

Elephants? I can make ANYTHING disappear. Anything, by golly.

Even - you, if you get smart with me. Heh.

Because I'm not a kid any longer, see? I'm a - a grown-up man. I can do as I please. I'm the only guy in the world that can do just as I please. Uh, me and the thing here.

So what do you want done?

Uh, no, you better not ask for it because you're liable to get it and maybe you wouldn't like it when you got it.

So just keep quiet and listen.

Uh, wait a minute. I think there's somebody at the door.

(MUSIC ... OUT)

SOUND: (KNOCK AT DOOR)

SARSFIELD: (HEADS TO THE DOOR) Yes, there is. Uh, sit still. I'll - I'll be right back. And if it's somebody I don't want to see, I'll make 'em disappear for ya!

SOUND: (KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS)

PROFESSOR: (FRENCH ACCENT) Hello, Sarsfield. You remember me?

SARSFIELD: No.

PROFESSOR: You ought to, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: Huh, I don't. What do you want?

PROFESSOR: I want the the thing back.

SARSFIELD: What thing?

PROFESSOR: The thing I gave you on May fourteenth, 1916.

SARSFIELD: Huh? Why, for goodness sakes! It's the Professor!

PROFESSOR: Yes!

SARSFIELD: How are ya, Professor?

PROFESSOR: Well, I'm a little tired, Sarsfield. Er, have you got the thing here?

SARSFIELD: Uh, sure, I've got it. And I'm going to keep it.

PROFESSOR: Now, Sarsfield, I didn't give it to you to keep.

SARSFIELD: You didn't say that about it, Professor, on May fourteenth, 1916.

PROFESSOR: Er, may I come in, please?

SARSFIELD: Uh ... no.

PROFESSOR: Oh, please, Sarsfield?

SARSFIELD: You gave it to me and I'm going to keep it.

PROFESSOR: What if I take it away from you?

SARSFIELD: (LAUGHS)

PROFESSOR: Ah. So, you know the trick, then, eh?

SARSFIELD: (PLAYING DUMB) Trick? Wha - what trick?

PROFESSOR: Then I can't take it away from you. Then it HAS to be given.

SARSFIELD: Well! Tha - Thanks for telling me!

PROFESSOR: Oh, I wish you would give it to me. I need it.

SARSFIELD: No, thanks, Professor, but - I got uses for it.

PROFESSOR: (SLYLY) Well, will you give it to me - when you are done with it?

SARSFIELD: Uh--

PROFESSOR: Then?

SARSFIELD: I'm not GONNA be done with it, Professor.

PROFESSOR: Well, if you ever ARE - may I have it back?

SARSFIELD: Uh -- sure. Uh, WHEN I'm done with it.

PROFESSOR: (SATISFIED) Thank you very much, Sarsfield. Heh. So long.

(MUSIC ... A TRIUMPHANT "DISAPPEARING" ACCENT, THEN OUT)

SARSFIELD: Well, uh-- Hey! Hey! Where'd he go?! Well, how do you like that?! I - I didn't do a thing and he - he - he disappeared just like-- (SNAPS FINGERS) Gosh, he must be a - a REAL magician.

SOUND: (PHONE RINGS)

SARSFIELD: Uh, excuse me.

SOUND: (PICKS UP PHONE)

SARSFIELD: Yes?

PROFESSOR: (ON PHONE) Yes, I really AM a magician, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: Wha-? Uh, who is this?

PROFESSOR: (ON PHONE) Cagliostro, Sarsfield, the Professor. And I'll have you know I was a practicing magician nearly two hundred years ago, Sarsfield. I'll have you know that Marie Antoinette was my friend. And I nearly lost MY head over that necklace of hers. And if you look up the records, you'll see that I died in Rome in San Leo Prison in 1795.

SARSFIELD: Ya did?! Y-Y-You say you died?!

PROFESSOR: (ON PHONE, CHUCKLES) That's what people say, and that's the way it is in the history books, Sarsfield, but, just between you and me, I didn't die.

SARSFIELD: You - you didn't?

PROFESSOR: (ON PHONE) No. So keep a civil tongue in your head and don't forget that you promised me the "thing" when you are finished with it, do you hear?

SARSFIELD: Uh, yes, sir. I - I mean, no, uh, sir. I - I mean--

SOUND: (HANGS UP PHONE)

SARSFIELD: Gosh.

SOUND: (POUNDING AT DOOR)

SARSFIELD: Now, who, for goodness' sake, is that?

SOUND: (POUNDING AT DOOR)

SARSFIELD: I'm not going to the door. It's probably that old - uh, magician again.

SOUND: (PHONE RINGS, PICKS UP)

SARSFIELD: Hello?!

PROFESSOR: (ON PHONE) No, it isn't, Sarsfield. It's a customer.

SARSFIELD: (CASUALLY) Oh, well, thanks. Uh--!

SOUND: (ABRUPTLY HANGS UP PHONE)

SARSFIELD: (COMPLETELY FLUSTERED) How - how did HE know?!

SOUND: (POUNDING AT DOOR)

SARSFIELD: (HEADS FOR DOOR) Uh, well, excuse me. Excuse me.

SOUND: (DOOR OPENS)

SARSFIELD: Yes, sir? Why - why -- hello, Bernard!

BERNARD: (TOUGH GANGSTER) Hello, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: (VERY NERVOUS) Uh -- was there - something --?

BERNARD: Yeah. I got business with you.

SARSFIELD: Now, Bernard, that business has all been transacted.

BERNARD: No. No, it ain't, Sarsfield. Let me in.

SARSFIELD: Now - now - now, look here, Bernard, you-- Oh, well, you're in.

BERNARD: Yeah.

SOUND: (DOOR SHUTS, LOCKS)

BERNARD: Now, kid.

SARSFIELD: What?

BERNARD: Go sit down.

SARSFIELD: Don't point that gun at me.

BERNARD: Why not? It's loaded. It's liable to go off. It might at that.

SARSFIELD: Now, Bernard--

BERNARD: Sit down! ... Here.

SOUND: (DROPS MONEY ON TABLE)

SARSFIELD: Uh, what's - that?

BERNARD: THAT'S money.

SARSFIELD: Oh?

BERNARD: Yeah. You remember our little deal?

SARSFIELD: Yes, I - I certainly do, Bernard.

BERNARD: This magic thing of yours was gonna turn one dollar bills into hundred dollar bills.

SARSFIELD: Well, of course. I did it.

BERNARD: You sure DID! And Larry Blochman's in jail.

SARSFIELD: Larry Blochman's in jail.

BERNARD: Yeah.

SARSFIELD: W - w - why, what for, for goodness' sakes?

BERNARD: For passing phony hundred dollar bills, for goodness' sakes! All this dough you fixed for me, it's - it's counterfeit.

SARSFIELD: Oh, for goodness' sake.

BERNARD: Yeah. That's what I said, too. I just came here to blow your head off, Sarsfield. You and your magic.

SARSFIELD: Well, I can't help it! I did my best!

BERNARD: And it ain't good enough. So I'm gonna knock you off.

SARSFIELD: No.

BERNARD: Yes.

SARSFIELD: Oh, no!

BERNARD: Oh, yeah, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: (WARNING) Wait, Bernard!

BERNARD: (AFTER A BEAT) Put that thing down.

SARSFIELD: Oh, no, I won't.

BERNARD: That phony magic gag -- put it down.

SARSFIELD: You think it's phony, Bernard? Why, you - big gorilla! Presto change-o!

SOUND: (GORILLA ROARS HIDEOUSLY)

SARSFIELD: (PANICS) Help! Help! Oh! Oh, uh, presto change-o, disappear!

(MUSIC ... INTENSE "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... THEN OUT)

SARSFIELD: Man! Well, I made that just in time. Darn thing, I thought I said "disappear" but I turned him into a gorilla. My goodness, was he ferocious! Well, he disappeared anyway.

PROFESSOR: You nearly made a mistake, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: Huh? Where did YOU come from?

PROFESSOR: Oh, out there.

SARSFIELD: Where?

PROFESSOR: Oh, you wouldn't want to give me the magic wand now, Sarsfield, uh, before you make a really serious mistake, would you?

SARSFIELD: No.

PROFESSOR: Well, you might be sorry. Making counterfeit money. Turning a man into a gorilla. Mmm. (CLICKS TONGUE) I wouldn't make any mistakes like that, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: You - wouldn't, huh?

PROFESSOR: Oh, my, no. I very seldom make mistakes.

SARSFIELD: Well, here's one for ya. Presto change-o, disappear!

(MUSIC ... GOOFY "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... THEN OUT)

SARSFIELD: (DESPERATE) Presto change-o, disappear!

(MUSIC ... HALF OF THE "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... THEN OUT)

PROFESSOR: (LAUGHS) It won't work on me, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: Well, why--? Why?

PROFESSOR: I am a professional. Look. Abracadabra!

(MUSIC ... MAGNIFICENT, COSMIC "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... THEN OUT)

SARSFIELD: Goodness gracious. NOW where did he go?

(MUSIC ... AN ACCENT ... THEN OUT)

SARSFIELD: Oh, well, now - now you see what I have to go through. It isn't all beer and griddles when--

PROFESSOR: Sarsfield! Skittles!

SARSFIELD: What? Uh, who said that?

PROFESSOR: I did. Excuse me.

SARSFIELD: What did you say?

PROFESSOR: Skittles, Sarsfield. Beer and skittles.

SARSFIELD: Oh. Well, what ARE skittles, if you're such a magician?

PROFESSOR: Skittles is a game, something like ninepins, Sarsfield. I used to play it with King Louis XV of France. I'm sorry to interrupt you, don't let me. Go on.

SARSFIELD: What was I saying? Oh, it - it isn't all beer and - uh, uh, skittles?

PROFESSOR: Skittles.

SARSFIELD: Uh, skittles when you get hold of a magic thing like this. You see, you make one false move and you're in a jam. Uh, how did I know that money would turn out counterfeit? And, again, I might have been murdered by that gorilla. It I wasn't such a - sharp character, I don't know what I'd do.

PROFESSOR: Ahem. (COUGHS)

SARSFIELD: What?

PROFESSOR: I merely said, "Ahem," Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: I wish to goodness you'd go away, Professor!

PROFESSOR: Oh, I'm sorry, Sarsfield. I'll go. I'll, um, probably see you before long.

SOUND: (DOORBELL RINGS)

SARSFIELD: Oh, my gosh, this is my day for-- Oh, uh, I know who THAT is. (CHUCKLES, TO THE PROFESSOR) Uh, are you gone? (NO ANSWER) Professor, are you gone?

SOUND: (DOORBELL RINGS)

SARSFIELD: I - I know who it is because she rings the doorbell instead of knocking.

PROFESSOR: It's a girl. She's very pretty.

SARSFIELD: She sure is-- Hey! You said you were gone!

PROFESSOR: Oh, I am sorry, Sarsfield, really. I'll really go this time. Honest Injun, Sarsfield! Really and truly--

SARSFIELD: (ANNOYED) Well -- well, goodbye!

(MUSIC ... AN ACCENT INDICATING THE PROFESSOR'S DISAPPEARANCE, THEN UNDER)

SOUND: (DOORBELL RINGS)

SARSFIELD: (HEADS FOR DOOR) Eh, excuse me, please.

SOUND: (DOOR OPENS)

SARSFIELD: (PLEASED TO SEE HER) Genevieve!

GENEVIEVE: (PLAYFUL) Well, you certainly kept me waiting long enough, Popsy.

SARSFIELD: Oh, I'm sorry, Angel.

GENEVIEVE: I bet you had another visitor.

SARSFIELD: Well, I, uh--

SOUND: (DOOR SHUTS)

GENEVIEVE: A feminine visitor, Sarsfield?

SARSFIELD: Oh. Oh, my goodness, no. Uh, with a beard?

GENEVIEVE: (IGNORES HIM, GASPS) Look at all the money! Where'd you get the money, Sarsfield?

SARSFIELD: Why, uh-- Uh, a man gave it to me.

GENEVIEVE: (CHUCKLES) Come now, Sarsfield. Do you expect me to believe that?

SARSFIELD: Well, he DID.

GENEVIEVE: (SUGARY) Well, I wish a nice man would give poor little me some of the nice money.

SARSFIELD: Well, uh--

GENEVIEVE: Poor little me has only got ONE dollar bills. You've got HUNDRED dollar bills.

SARSFIELD: Well, yes, I know, Genevieve, but--

GENEVIEVE: Nice man wouldn't miss a teensy bit of the money now, would he?

SARSFIELD: Well, Genevieve, you see, I mean, you know, I--

GENEVIEVE: Is it REALLY yours, Sarsfield?

SARSFIELD: Well, uh, uh, in a way, dearest.

GENEVIEVE: Oh, I wish I had some, too.

SARSFIELD: Well, you see, I-- No, I can't let you have it.

GENEVIEVE: My goodness, Sarsfield, I didn't think you were stingy.

SARSFIELD: Well, I'm not, but--

GENEVIEVE: You're mean.

SARSFIELD: No, dear.

GENEVIEVE: You stole it.

SARSFIELD: No, I didn't.

GENEVIEVE: You murdered somebody for it?

SARSFIELD: Oh, gosh, no!

GENEVIEVE: Then where did you get it?

SARSFIELD: Well, honey, it - it -

GENEVIEVE: Blood money!

SARSFIELD: (GIVES IN) It - It's magic.

GENEVIEVE: Oh, for heaven's sake.

SARSFIELD: Yes.

GENEVIEVE: How is it magic?

SARSFIELD: Well, I did it with my magic wand.

GENEVIEVE: Why, how nice.

SARSFIELD: Uh, but it - it--

GENEVIEVE: Can you do magic, Sarsfield?

SARSFIELD: Well, sure, but--

GENEVIEVE: Do some magic.

SARSFIELD: Well, I don't--

GENEVIEVE: I bet you can't. I bet you're kidding.

SARSFIELD: Oh, no. No, indeed, Genevieve.

GENEVIEVE: Well, do something magic then. Make some more money.

PROFESSOR: Excuse me, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: What?

GENEVIEVE: I didn't say anything, honey.

SARSFIELD: Well, what is it--? Who is it?

GENEVIEVE: Who, me?

PROFESSOR: Your wife is coming, Sarsfield.

SARSFIELD: Oooh, my gosh! How - how did she know--?

GENEVIEVE: How did who know what, Sarsfield?

SARSFIELD: How did she know where I was, Professor?

PROFESSOR: I told her, Sarsfield!

SARSFIELD: Oh, oh, my gosh! What'll I do now?

GENEVIEVE: What's the matter, Angel Face?

SARSFIELD: Oh, you gotta get out of here. You--

GENEVIEVE: (IRONIC) Well, I like that, I certainly appreciate that! Why do I have to get out of here? Don't you love me?

(MUSIC ... OUT)

SOUND: (DOOR OPENS)

SARSFIELD: (STUTTERS) Genevieve, meet my wife.

GENEVIEVE: How do you d--? Well, for Pete's sake!

SOUND: (OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS)

SARSFIELD: Now, dear! Now, dear!

GENEVIEVE: I really must go now. Nice to have mettin' ya!

SOUND: (OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS)

GENEVIEVE: Oh, no!

PROFESSOR: Quick, Sarsfield, the magic wand!

SARSFIELD: Huh?

GENEVIEVE: Help! Sarsfield!

PROFESSOR: Do something!

SARSFIELD: Oh! (SPUTTERS) Uh -- Presto change-o, disappear!

(MUSIC ... GOOFY "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... AND OUT)

SARSFIELD: (EXHALES)

GENEVIEVE: Dear, where'd she go?

SARSFIELD: Wow.

GENEVIEVE: Sir?

SARSFIELD: (SOBERLY) I - did it just in time.

GENEVIEVE: Oh! That's the magic thing!

SARSFIELD: (SADLY) Yes. (PAUSE) Wow. Just in time again.

GENEVIEVE: I want to see it.

SARSFIELD: Ah, d-don't touch it, Genevieve.

GENEVIEVE: Oh, now, Sarsfield! I won't hurt it!

SARSFIELD: Uh, please, honey.

GENEVIEVE: Is it really magic?

SARSFIELD: It really IS, dear. Please, please let me have it.

GENEVIEVE: I don't see any trigger or anything.

SARSFIELD: There isn't any. Uh, please put it down, Genevieve.

GENEVIEVE: Well, then, what makes it work?

SARSFIELD: Genevieve, please. Please!

GENEVIEVE: You just pointed it at her like this--

SARSFIELD: Now, don't point it at me!

(MUSIC ... BEGINNING OF "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT ... REPEATS UNDER FOLLOWINGsmiling face

GENEVIEVE: --and you said, um--

SARSFIELD: Genevieve, don't!

GENEVIEVE: --you said, uh--

PROFESSOR: (HELPFULLY) He said, "Presto change-o," young lady.

GENEVIEVE: Uh, presto change-o?

SARSFIELD: Genevieve--!

GENEVIEVE: But you said something else. Oh, I know!

SARSFIELD: Give me that!

GENEVIEVE: I know! You said, "disappear."

(MUSIC ... "DISAPPEAR" ACCENT FINALLY CONCLUDES ON A LONG NOTE ... THEN OUT)

GENEVIEVE: Why, my goodness! He certainly went away in a hurry.

(MUSIC ... BRIEF QUIRKY BRIDGE ... THEN OUT)

SARSFIELD: (DAZED) Ohhh. Where am I? Goodness. What happened to me? Oh! Genevieve, uh--? (REALIZES) Oh, my gosh. (PANICS) Oh! Where am I?! Hey! Where am I?!

SOUND: (CREAKY TRAP DOOR SLOWLY OPENS)

PROFESSOR: (CHEERILY) Hi, Sarsfield!

SARSFIELD: Oh, who's that? I - I - I can't see.

PROFESSOR: It's me, Sarsfield. Professor Cagliostro.

SARSFIELD: Oh. Oh, good. Let - let me out of here, Professor, will ya? I'm - I'm scared.

PROFESSOR: You can't get out of here, Sarsfield. You're here to stay. (LAUGHS) Remember? The wand won't work in reverse. Too bad. But I told you you'd make a mistake.

SARSFIELD: What IS this place?

PROFESSOR: Why, that's just what it is, boy. This is the place where things go - when they disappear.

SARSFIELD: Oh, no!

PROFESSOR: Mmm hm. And I'm sure you're going to have a WONDERFUL time with the people here.

SARSFIELD: What people?!

PROFESSOR: Why, don't you remember? An elephant. And a deputy sheriff. And a boy you turned into a fish. And a very, very angry gorilla.

SOUND: (GORILLA ROARS)

SARSFIELD: Oh, no!

PROFESSOR: And your wife.

SARSFIELD: Oh, no!

PROFESSOR: And, oh, boy, Sarsfield, is she going to be tickled to see you! (CHUCKLES) Well, you asked for it.

(MUSIC ... THEME ... FADE FOR)

ANNOUNCER: The title of tonight's "Quiet, Please!" story was "Presto Change-o, I'm Sure." It was written and directed by Wyllis Cooper and the man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell.

ERNEST CHAPPELL: And Edgar Stehli was the Professor. The distasteful Bernard was the immaculate and talented Mr. Ed Latimer. Charming Miss Peggy Stanley played Genevieve. And the masterful dog and the gorilla were by the one and only Brad Barker.

As usual, music is by Albert Buhrman. Now for a word about "Quiet, Please!" next week, here is our writer-director, Wyllis Cooper.

WYLLIS COOPER: Ya didn't recognize anybody tonight, did you? Well, you shouldn't've. They were all made in my typewriter and they never did exist before. Next week's story is called "Three Thousand Words."

ERNEST CHAPPELL: And so, until next week at this same time, I am quietly yours ... Ernest Chappell.

(MUSIC ... THEME ... END)

ANNOUNCER: As much as we would like to forget about the last war and turn our hopes and efforts away from the death and destruction caused overseas, the situation in many European countries demands our attention. You've heard it on the radio, you've read it in your daily papers. Men, women and children in war-devastated areas are slowly starving to death. Most especially, the children are suffering. Their daily diets are often inadequate to sustain life. As always in the midst of starvation, disease reaps a horrible toll. Tuberculosis, rickets, pellagra and other diseases are spreading, with children the chief victims. Many private American agencies have been sending as much help as they could. Now, twenty-five well-established relief agencies have combined into a single drive to save the next generation. We ask you to send your contributions to the Crusade for Children in New York.

This program was heard in Canada through the facilities of the
Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.

(MUSIC ... THEME ... RETURNS ... ENDS)
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