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missing "Three" script?

Comments on missing "Three" script?
Doc Johnson
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Posted 12/02/05 - 6:47 AM:

Hi everyone, I'm an avid quiet please listener, who is currently taking part in a filmmaking class, and for my final project I was planning on doing an adaptation of Three. However, I can't seem to find the script ANYWHERE! Does anyone know where or how I can find this? Thanks to everyone for your help.
-Doc
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2 of 4 people found this comment helpful
Posted 12/02/05 - 5:47 PM:

Transcript of "3" (a.k.a. "Three")




CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.

(SEVEN SECONDS SILENCE)

CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.

(MUSIC ... THEME ... FADE FOR)

ANNOUNCER: The Mutual Broadcasting System presents "Quiet, Please!" which is written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and features Ernest Chappell. "Quiet, Please!" for tonight is called "Three."

(MUSIC ... THEME ... FADE)

--

SEBASTIAN: Practically nobody is named Sebastian.

And I have taken, in my lifetime, a good deal of kidding about my name.

Sebastian is an unusual name and a - a great many amateur humorists seem to enjoy working on it.

And when Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited came out, at least seven of my friends sent me huge teddy bears.

Er, if you should happen to NEED a teddy bear--

Ah, but I didn't come here to talk about teddy bears.

I thought maybe you might help me.

At least I can tell ya.

May I?

Well, it's, uh, kind of, uh-- I suppose you'd say it's an obsession. Oh, uh, on the other hand, I guess you have to have a thing quite a while before you could call it an obsession.

This has only been bothering me since day before yesterday. So I suppose maybe we'd better call it, uh, a premonition.

I was walking down a street.

And there was absolutely nobody near me.

And a voice spoke to me.

Right in my ear.

A very, quiet, little voice.

It just said one word.

VOICE: Three.

SEBASTIAN: Did you hear it?

Well, you must have heard it.

What was it?

I tell you, there wasn't anybody near me. There - there wasn't anybody within a block of me.

Well, I thought then I was, you know, hearing things. Er, you know how it is. You think you hear your name called or something and it's just some kind of subconscious thought that jars its way into whatever you're thinking of and--

Well, maybe it isn't, either.

Maybe somebody DOES call your name somewhere.

Oh, I don't know.

I suppose I might have forgotten it, except for one thing.

I walked on down to the office and I went into the lobby. I stood in front of the elevator. The door opened finally.

SOUND: (ELEVATOR DOOR SLIDES OPEN)

SEBASTIAN: I got in. Another man got in behind me. He stood right in front of the door, in the middle of the car. The operator started to close the door and the other man spoke.

VOICE: Three.

SEBASTIAN: And it suddenly came to me. It was the same voice.

And I was suddenly seized with the most dreadful fear I've ever known. I scrambled past the man as the doors drew together.

ELEVATOR OPERATOR: Hey, look out, mister! What do you think you're--?

SEBASTIAN: Let me out! Let me out!

ELEVATOR OPERATOR: Well, for Pete's sake, make up your mind, will ya?

SOUND: (ELEVATOR DOOR SLIDES SHUT AND BEGINS TO RISE UNDER FOLLOWING:)

SEBASTIAN: I stood panting in the corridor, watching the indicator above the door, as the car went up.

Two...

Three...

SOUND: (ELEVATOR GRINDS TO A HALT, FALLS BACK DOWN SHAFT, AND CRASHES)

(MUSIC ... TO CRASH AN ELEVATOR BY)

OFFICIAL: (MATTER-OF-FACT) We haven't found out yet what caused it. Apparently, though, the operator, who was a new man, mishandled the controls at the third floor and the car dropped down to the sub-basement. There's no way of telling, of course, because the operator was killed. We think we're fortunate, however, that there was nobody else in the car.

(MUSIC ... ACCENTS THAT ... THEN OUT)

SEBASTIAN: (UNNERVED) Did you hear that?!

There was nobody else in the car!

Well?

What about the man who said "three"?

(MUSIC ... THREE NOTES FOR AN ACCENT)

SEBASTIAN: No. Nothing more happened that first day.

I - walked upstairs to my office, and I stayed there.

I didn't do very well on the job that day.

Oh, yes. I forgot something DID happen.

No, nothing like the elevator thing. It was just the telephone. It rang three times...

SOUND: (PHONE RINGS THREE TIMES IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: ... at three o'clock in the afternoon.

No, I know there's nothing unusual about a telephone ringing three times. Only this one-- I picked up the receiver when it rang the first time. And it rang two more times!

Telephones don't do that.

(MUSIC ... AN ACCENT ... THEN IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: That was all, the first day.

I went home, very carefully. I remember I waited at the corner very conscientiously, until the Number Three bus went past.

I'll never ride a Number Three bus again.

I'll walk the extra four blocks and ride the Number Twelve.

Yeah, I was pretty conscious of that number. I saw threes everywhere. Three men in the restaurant. I began looking for threes. Three - three letters in my mailbox. Oh, I found threes everywhere.

Three pennies fell out of my trousers pocket when I was undressing -- three of those black, wartime ones made out of zinc or something. You don't see many of 'em these days. They - they look somehow - sinister lying there on the bedspread.

Three black pennies.

And, all of a sudden, I remembered -- they used to put pennies on dead men's eyes.

But then I thought, "But there's - there's three of 'em. I haven't got three eyes." And you know what? I said to myself, "I wonder - I wonder if maybe I - I have got three eyes. And I walked over to the mirror and looked.

(MOMENTARILY RELIEVED) No. No, I haven't got three eyes.

But you see what a thing like this can do to ya?

Well, that settled it. I went in the bathroom and I - I took down the pills, and I took three of 'em.

I - I remembered just as I was drifting off that three pills were enough to put a man to sleep permanently. (SLEEPILY) But I - couldn't - do a thing about it - then.

Oh, no. No, I - I didn't go to sleep permanently.

I woke up.

You guess what time.

(MUSIC ... OUT)

SOUND: (CLOCK SLOWLY CHIMES THREE)

(MUSIC ... SOMBER ... IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: I didn't sleep any more.

I sat up and smoked cigarettes.

When it was daylight at last, I dressed and went out.

First, though, I counted the cigarette butts. I'd smoked one whole package and thirteen besides. You can count it up.

And the street was deserted early in the morning.

And I walked past the movie house.

The sign on the marquee said, "Last three days."

I went down to the office.

Walked, all the way.

I walked upstairs.

This was only seven o'clock in the morning, mind you.

I unlocked the door.

SOUND: (DOOR UNLOCKED AND OPENED)

SEBASTIAN: And there were - three men in my office! At seven o'clock in the morning!

(MUSIC ... OUT)

SEBASTIAN: Well, I just - I just stood there and looked at them.

LEE: (PLEASANT) Good morning, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: Who are you?

LEE: My name is Lee, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: Well, what are you doing in my office at this time of the day?

LEE: Sebastian, this is Mr. Dix.

DIX: (ALSO PLEASANT) Good morning, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: I said, what are you doing in my office?

DIX: And this is Mr. Gay, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: Did you hear me?! What are you doing here?!

GAY: Please, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: Will you answer me or do I have to call an officer?

LEE: (IGNORES HIM, CASUALLY) I think we'll put the desk over here, Dix.

DIX: (MATCHES HIM) I'd like it better along this wall, Lee.

GAY: We'll have to have a new rug.

DIX: And new draperies.

SEBASTIAN: Listen, you three--!

GAY: Certainly, Sebastian.

DIX: What is it, Sebastian?

LEE: Speak up, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: I want to know what you're doing in my office!

LEE: Oh, that.

GAY: Don't mind us.

DIX: (CHUCKLES) Of course not. Now, about the filing cases, Lee...

LEE: I don't want them. Do you, Gay?

GAY: I'm sure I don't.

SEBASTIAN: What are you doing here?! Do you hear me?!

LEE: Why, Sebastian, we're just looking it over.

DIX: Deciding on the changes.

GAY: We, uh, don't like it this way.

SEBASTIAN: And what business is it of yours?! What are you going--?

LEE: We're going to move in here.

SEBASTIAN: You what?

LEE: When you leave.

SEBASTIAN: What are you talking about? I'm not going to leave!

GAY: Yes, you are.

SEBASTIAN: I am not!

LEE: Certainly you are, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: Are you people crazy?

DIX: Why, no, Sebastian. Are you?

(MUSIC ... A BRIEF ACCENT)

SEBASTIAN: Well, I - I don't know what you're talking about, and I--

DIX: Sebastian, come here.

LEE: Over here by the window.

GAY: Come on.

SEBASTIAN: No, you're not gonna get me to that window! I know what you're up to! I'm gonna get a policeman!

LEE: (AMUSED) Oh, no, Sebastian.

GAY: You're wrong.

DIX: We're not going to push you out.

SEBASTIAN: I should say you're not!

LEE: We don't have to.

DIX: Of course not.

GAY: Just look, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: I looked out the window. And right below me was the sign on the movie house I told you about. Big red letters, they said, "Last - three - days."

(MUSIC ... A THREE-NOTE ACCENT)

SEBASTIAN: But I hadn't noticed before -- or maybe it wasn't there before -- the "three" had a big, red X across it. And there was a "two" painted on top of it.

(MUSIC ... A TWO-NOTE ACCENT)

SEBASTIAN: And when my eyes had focused again, I turned around. There wasn't anybody in the room but me!

(MUSIC ... A BIG ACCENT... THEN IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: Yeah, that's right. The door was closed and there's only one door. The only thing that was different from the way I'd left it yesterday was the calendar pad on my desk. And there were just three pages left on it. And the top one had a big, red X scrawled across it.

(MUSIC ... A QUIRKY ACCENT... THEN IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: I never took a drink in my life before five o'clock. I seldom touch the stuff but I - well, I do keep a bottle in my desk for an occasional client who likes a nip in the daytime.

I took two nips.

And I got very brave and very matter-of-fact when I downed the second one. Well, after the third one, I - I went out in the hall and I walked downstairs. The elevator starter was just coming to work.

He looked at me with a very strange expression when the whiskey and I spoke to him in a loud voice about three strange men invading an office at seven in the morning.

And, then he asked me, more or less politely, to describe the men.

Do you know I couldn't remember a single thing about any one of the three?

He looked at me as if I were crazy. And I remembered what Dix had said.

DIX: No, we're not crazy, Sebastian. Are you?

(MUSIC ... A BRIEF ACCENT... THEN IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: I don't know.

Maybe I am.

A man - can't be - haunted by a number, can he?

Or can he?

You remember what I told you about being careful about the Number Three bus? Well, the Number Three bus rammed into a light standard last night and caught on fire.

No, only - only one man was killed.

I saw his picture in the paper.

I thought there was something familiar about his face.

And then it came to me.

I walked over to the mirror above the washstand in the corner.

Why - why, the man looked enough like me to be my twin brother!

Or to be me, for that matter!

WHAT IS THIS THING?!

(MUSIC ... A BRIEF ACCENT... THEN IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: So - so then I sat down at the desk and - and I thought some more.

Maybe - maybe I've been working too hard.

Maybe--

Well, anyway, I gotta do something about it.

Yeah, but what?

(MUSIC ... OUT)

SEBASTIAN: "I'll call up Doctor Mandell," I say to myself. Doctor Mandell can tell me if I'm going crazy - or what. Ah, give me the phone. Now, let's see, what - what's his number? Uh, four-oh-eight-seven.

SOUND: (LIFTS RECEIVER AND DIALS ... RINGING ... SOMEONE PICKS UP)

BEVERIDGE: Good morning. May we be of service to you?

SEBASTIAN: What?

BEVERIDGE: I said, good morning. May we be of service to you?

SEBASTIAN: Is this Doctor Mandell's office?

BEVERIDGE: Oh, my, no, sir.

SEBASTIAN: Is this four-oh-eight-seven?

BEVERIDGE: This is the Beveridge Funeral Parlor, sir.

SEBASTIAN: The what?

BEVERIDGE: The undertaker, sir.

SEBASTIAN: Isn't this four-oh-eight-seven?

BEVERIDGE: No, sir. This is three-three-three-three.

(MUSIC ... A FOUR-NOTE ACCENT... THEN OUT)

SEBASTIAN: How did I get THAT number?

SOUND: (HANGS UP RECEIVER, THEN LIFTS IT AGAIN)

SEBASTIAN: Well, I couldn't miss it that much.

SOUND: (DIALS AS HE SPEAKS:)

SEBASTIAN: Four - oh - eight - seven.

SOUND: (RINGING ... SOMEONE PICKS UP)

BEVERIDGE: Good morning. May we be of service to you?

SEBASTIAN: Who is this?!

BEVERIDGE: You dialed three-three-three-three, sir. This is the Beveridge Funeral Parlor.

SEBASTIAN: I'm sorry.

SOUND: (HANGS UP RECEIVER)

SEBASTIAN: But I - I can't be THAT drunk ...

SOUND: (LIFTS RECEIVER, DIALS AS HE MUMBLES ... RINGING, PICKS UP)

BEVERIDGE: Good morning. May we be of service to you?

SEBASTIAN: ... ohhh, but I'm sure going to be ...

SOUND: (HANGS UP RECEIVER)

SEBASTIAN: Where's that bottle?

(MUSIC ... A BRIEF TRANSITIONAL ACCENT ... THEN IN BG)

BEVERIDGE: This is the telephone company? ... Look here, there's an insane man who keeps dialing this number and telling me it's the wrong one. Can't you put a stop to it? For three solid hours now he's been ringing this number, and we have clients of our own to take care of. ... Well, I don't care what you do but stop that man.

(MUSIC ... AN ACCENT ... THEN OUT)

SEBASTIAN: No matter what I dialed, it always came out three-three-three-three.

I called Doctor Mandell, I called the police, I called my Uncle Hubert. And always there was that man with a fat voice wanting to be of "service" ...

BEVERIDGE: Good morning. May we be of service to you?

SEBASTIAN: That was yesterday.

Today? Oh, yes, I woke up at three this morning.

There was somebody in my [office?]

No, I know. I'm getting awfully tired of these things happening to me, too.

But you should complain!

Well, it's not happening to you.

(LOSES HIS COMPOSURE) All I want from you is a little sympathy! Or at least the chance to tell my story! Just tell my story!

(CALMS DOWN) I'm sorry.

No, really, I'm sorry. This stuff is beginning to get me down.

Beginning?!

It's GOT me down.

I don't know what's happening to me. Either somebody's trying to make me lose my mind and commit suicide or something, or--

Or it's true.

All I can hear is ...

VOICE 1: Three.

VOICE 2: Three men.

VOICE 3: Three.

VOICE 4: Three days.

SEBASTIAN: And now there's only one day left. The second leaf of my calendar pad had a big, red X on it this morning.

And, everywhere I go, things happen in threes. I hear streetcar gongs ...

SOUND: (THREE GONGS)

SEBASTIAN: I hear automobile horns ...

SOUND: (THREE HONKS)

SEBASTIAN: I hear knocks on doors ...

SOUND: (THREE KNOCKS)

SEBASTIAN: I hear noises in my head!

(MUSIC ... THREE ORGAN NOTES)

SEBASTIAN: And, all of a sudden, I remember I heard on the radio that there's going to be a radio program tonight called "Three"!

What are they doing to me?!

Help me, please!

(MUSIC ... THREE ORGAN NOTES)

SEBASTIAN: Do something!

(MUSIC ... THREE ORGAN NOTES)

SEBASTIAN: Please! Please! Please!

(MUSIC ... THREE ORGAN NOTES)

SEBASTIAN: Do you hear that? Do you hear the way I'm talking? Do you hear me?!

(MUSIC ... THREE ORGAN NOTES)

VOICE: (ADMONISHES) Sebastian!

(MUSIC ... THREE ORGAN NOTES)

SEBASTIAN: Look, look, I can't stand it any longer. I - I - I've got to do something.

Well, it'll be - it'll be three o'clock in just a little while and I know that's going to be the deadline.

Well, I know it!

So do you know it, don't you?

Who is it that hates me?!

Who is it that's going to get me?!

Is it you?

(MUSIC ... THREE ORGAN NOTES)

SEBASTIAN: All right.

All right, I know what I'll do.

I'm going in here.

I'm going to have a drink.

You stay out there, all three of you!

(AFTER A PAUSE, QUIETLY) I walk inside.

The bartender is standing behind the bar.

(HOPEFUL) Hello, bartender.

BARTENDER: (FRIENDLY) Hello, Sebastian!

SEBASTIAN: How did you know my name?

BARTENDER: Why, you told it to me.

SEBASTIAN: I did? When did I tell it to ya?

BARTENDER: Why, last night.

SEBASTIAN: Last night? I wasn't here last night.

BARTENDER: Well -- this morning, then.

SEBASTIAN: Why, I wasn't here. I've never been here before.

BARTENDER: (CHUCKLES SKEPTICALLY) Now, Sebastian ... (SERIOUS) You got a hangover?

SEBASTIAN: (WEARILY) Oh, I don't remember.

BARTENDER: Why, sure, you was in here with them three men.

SEBASTIAN: What three men?

BARTENDER: You know, the fellas with the funny names.

SEBASTIAN: Funny names?

BARTENDER: Yeah, you know, all three of 'em with the three-letter names?

SEBASTIAN: Dix?

BARTENDER: Sure. Dix, Lee, Gay. (AMUSED) The three threes. (LAUGHS)

SEBASTIAN: When was this, bartender?

BARTENDER: (THINKS) Oooh, three o'clock this morning.

(MUSIC ... A THREE-NOTE ACCENT ... THEN IN BG)

SEBASTIAN: (SIGHS) I'm trying to pull myself together.

I try.

I try hard.

But my - my head is all mixed up.

(MUSIC ... OUT)

SEBASTIAN: I'm getting scared, bartender.

BARTENDER: What you scared of, Sebastian?

SEBASTIAN: Three.

BARTENDER: Three?

SEBASTIAN: Just three.

BARTENDER: Ohhh, that reminds me.

SEBASTIAN: What?

BARTENDER: Fella telephoned just before you came in. Said he'd be here at three o'clock. (CHUCKLES) Coincidence, huh?

SEBASTIAN: Who?

BARTENDER: He didn't say. Said if you wanted to call him back, call him at three-three-three-three.

SEBASTIAN: Yes. Yes. I know who he is.

BARTENDER: You want a drink?

SEBASTIAN: No. No, I guess not.

BARTENDER: No?

SEBASTIAN: Just - talk to me, will ya?

BARTENDER: Sure, Sebastian. Till three o'clock.

SEBASTIAN: What?

BARTENDER: Your friends'll be here then.

SEBASTIAN: Oh, I'm scared.

BARTENDER: Why?

SEBASTIAN: Somebody's after me.

BARTENDER: That so?

SEBASTIAN: What am I going to do?!

BARTENDER: Well, I don't know anything you can do, Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN: Look. Talk to me. Talk to me. Take my mind off it.

BARTENDER: What'll I talk about?

SEBASTIAN: Anything. Anything, except-- (CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO SAY IT) Anything.

BARTENDER: Well, let's see...

SEBASTIAN: Talk. Talk, I'm scared.

BARTENDER: Well, let's see now. Well, now, you take names.

SEBASTIAN: Names?

BARTENDER: Sure. Like yours, for instance. Sebastian. (CHUCKLES) It's a very odd name. I think I only seen it once before in my life.

SEBASTIAN: Where?

BARTENDER: On a gravestone somewheres.

SEBASTIAN: Don't talk like that!

BARTENDER: Well, it IS an odd name.

SEBASTIAN: (CONCEDES THIS CALMLY) Mm, it's unusual.

(MUSIC ... IN BG)

BARTENDER: Names have got a lot of meaning.

SEBASTIAN: Yeah. Yes. Mine means, er, "to be - reverenced" I think.

BARTENDER: Does it? Huh. Ain't that odd, now?

SEBASTIAN: (AGREES) Ain't it?

BARTENDER: Ya still scared?

SEBASTIAN: Talk some more.

BARTENDER: I'm talkin'.

SEBASTIAN: What time is it?

BARTENDER: Little before three.

SEBASTIAN: (AFTER A PAUSE FOR TREMBLING) Talk!

BARTENDER: Well, talkin' about names, now, I got a funny name, too, for a bartender.

SEBASTIAN: You have?

BARTENDER: For a bartender.

SEBASTIAN: What is it?

BARTENDER: You ARE scared, ain't ya?

SEBASTIAN: Why are you looking at me so funny?

BARTENDER: Well, it's pretty near three.

SEBASTIAN: Bartender, what's all this about "three"?

BARTENDER: Well, I was gonna tell you a funny coincidence.

SEBASTIAN: Talk. Talk, please talk.

BARTENDER: Well, you're so worried about this "three" stuff--

SEBASTIAN: Talk, will you? Talk, talk to me.

BARTENDER: Well, I was going to tell you about my name.

SEBASTIAN: Well, what IS your name?! Is it Joe or Tom or Harry or Charlie or - Aloysius or Alcabiades or Mike or what?!

BARTENDER: That's what's so funny. It's "Drei."

SEBASTIAN: "Dry"?

(MUSIC ... OUT)

SEBASTIAN: Well, that's - that's very funny. Oh, that's extremely funny. Oh, that's - that's funny, bartender. A bartender named "Dry"?! (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) A dry bartender! (MORE HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) Well, sir, that - that sure is funny. (KEEPS LAUGHING)

BARTENDER: Yeah, but, of course, that ain't the way you spell it, see?

SEBASTIAN: (STOPS LAUGHING) What?

BARTENDER: No. You see, it's a German name.

SEBASTIAN: Is it?

BARTENDER: Yeah, sure. Spelled D-R-E-I. ... It means "three," you know.

SOUND: (CLOCK STRIKES THREE)

(MUSIC ... HUGE ACCENT ... MUSIC TO MURDER A BARTENDER BY ... THEN OUT)

SEBASTIAN: No more three.

No more three!

No more bartender named "Drei."

What do you suppose it was?

I - I'm never going to hear any more threes again, am I?

Oh - oh, yes, I am.

You remember it?

When the judge says, "To be hanged by the neck until dead ... dead ... dead."

(MUSIC ... THEME ... FADES FOR)

ANNOUNCER: You have listened to "Quiet, Please" which is written and directed by Wyllis Cooper. The man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell.

CHAPPELL: And others who played in tonight's story were Les Tremayne, Vinton Hayworth, Cameron Prud'homme, and Kermit Murdock. Music for "Quiet,
Please," as usual, is composed and played by Gene Perrazzo.

Now, for a word about next week's "Quiet, Please," here is our writer-director, Wyllis Cooper.

COOPER: Next week, our story's about a man who couldn't escape his fate. It's called "Kill Me Again."

CHAPPELL: And so, until next week at this same time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell.

ANNOUNCER: "Quiet, Please" comes to you from New York. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.

(MUSIC ... THEME ... OUT)


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